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The original was posted on /r/exmormon by /u/bpenr51 on 2025-02-06 16:20:59+00:00.

I decided, yesterday, after a few years of stagnant membership, that I do not believe the Church is true. After feeling bored and uninspired by the repetitious lessons and talks at church, I decided I needed to learn more and think outside the box. Expand my worldview. Maybe that would bring the boost I needed to my testimony. So I jumped into the Gospel Topics essays which led me to the CES letter and other information that really made me think “Wow, why was I okay with polygamy and racism? Why did I believe in these things without really studying them?” So after a couple days of those studies I found it funny how easy it was for me to lose my “testimony”. After that I read posts on this group and thought “holy cow these are normal people who think critically and care about others without being forced to be my home teacher.” So here I am, a firm believer that I was decieved by a well-meaning family and church who wanted to go to the highest heaven with our pioneer ancestors. This is going to be a long journey. My wife is all in and has always been hard on herself for not reading the BOM daily and feeling the Spirit at all times. I didn’t hold myself to the same standard and I haven’t told her how I feel yet. The only thing holding me back from quitting cold turkey is how she’ll react. I’m afraid my unbelief will make her feel like she is losing our celestial family. This post didn’t really have a specific question. Just wanted to get this off my chest. I’m excited what this life has to offer. My first goal is to forgive myself for being so ‘scared’ to read ‘anti-mormon literature’ which turned out to be regular literature. But I’m only 27 and have a lot of life to live and hopefully I can get out of the church with my marriage intact. I plan to be a PIMO for a while until I can work something out with her. Any advice or encouragement is appreciated.