Did you mean this as “No matter what you say, I will be using the pronouns your parents referred you with when you were born?”

Totally isn’t Jesstopher. Totally is Totally.

Yeah, now I remember what the problem is precisely. To choose another server, you must press “Log in” although there is a button that literally says “Choose another server”.

It’s super misleading and I’ve answered questions about this same problem many times during the last year and a half.

Need to remember more precisely what the solution is. Thanks for the screenshots!

There is a button that does not look like a button at all, and has a bit illogical text on it. The devs say it’s not a problem but nobody seems to understand it :D

So, press that plaintext looking thing below everything else and you’ll be good to go. I nowadays prefer Blorp, but used to use Voyager.

How is it a joke that a woman desiring women is a lesbian?

What do you actually mean with that?

Absolutely agreed. But, having a couple million euros does help with getting life back in a state where you can have a life. You can buy a house without any debt. And pay for a lot of visits to a therapist. At 49 you can still have family and kids, especially if you’ve got the basics of life covered - good quality home and sanity.

But, how the guy is planning to open an upholstery company and how he says he’s getting out “with nothing”, it looks as if there was no such system in Mexico. And that sounds like madness!

Should not do masonry work on a very snowy day. You’ll just end up with a very botched result.

Except, of course, if you have a roof of some kind to protect the wall.

Do they get compensation for having had to serve jailtime as innocent in Mexico?

In Finland 24 years in jail would bring them a compensation of about 3,5 million to 5 million euros per person (400 € per day is quite usual, 800 € per day is exceptionally high - the compensation depends on circumstances. With all the torture, I’d say it would be maybe something like 600 € per day in these people’s case)

Okay, let’s go for an anecdote.

End of June this year, there was a Pride march in Helsinki. That was around when I started seriously questioning if I’m really non-binary or maybe actually transfeminine. The organization Transfeminiinit had organized a trans block, open for all trans people, not just transfems. So, I felt safe to go there even though I did not feel securely binary.

I arrived so early that there were only two other in the block people before me. One older trans woman who was carrying the organization’s flag, and then a cis woman. I could not understand what the hell the cis woman was doing there. She did not seem to be the other woman’s close friend. An ally of a kind, maybe? But seemed super suspicious, because when I listened to her speaking, there was nothing hinting why she had arrived to the trans people’s block. And she looked so extremely feminine that I was very sure she cannot be identifying as non-binary either. No enby would be comfortable looking as feminine as she did!
Of course I also considered the possibility that she could be a trans woman, but with that body it was clearly not possible.

Only, some 30 minutes later I listened to her talk about her transitioning and I understood why she was there. Such an extremely passing person that even though she was in a trans event and I was explicitly trying to find some proof that she is trans, I could not recognize her as one.

Now, why am I telling this? Because I just had a conversation with her yesterday, and it turns out she feels horrible because she is sure she does not pass as a woman. She’s saying that “everyone can immediately see that I am trans”.
If you look at her, it is absolutely unambiguous that she is wrong. Just objectively wrong. If she clocks to someone as trans, then at least 30 % of cis women clock as trans to that someone.

What I’m trying to say here is that we all are constantly afraid of not passing. Even the ones who pass with flying colours in reality. Even that woman I now wrote about, who is surely the most passing trans woman I have ever seen anywhere, is somehow still sure that she does not pass almost at all.
I believe I will never stop feeling that I don’t pass. And you will never stop feeling that you don’t pass. Basically no trans woman ever stops feeling that she doesn’t pass. That’s just a part of being trans. No matter how well you pass, that feeling will always be with you. Just tell the feeling it’s irrelevant.
When you know your friend’s answer to “is it now day or night” is always “day” regardless of the time, his answers are irrelevant. Even if in the daytime they are right. That friend’s answers hold no information value at all. And your eternally omnipresent feeling of not passing holds no information value either, because no matter what the reality is, it will always say “thou shall not pass.”

The only way to know whether you pass or not is through other people’s words and reactions. Some time ago a guy opened a door to me and then when I was right next to him, he got shocked and started shouting slurs at me. That was my first time, and it still has not happened again, so I am just happy that it happens so seldom. But I’m also happy that he showed that he would never open a door for a trans woman, only for a cis woman. And he did open the door for me!

And I would never have thought that I already pass, even from a distance. But although my brain says everybody will think I’m a man in women’s clothes from a distance of half a kilometre, in reality I needed to get closer than a metre away from the guy before I was close enough for him to notice I am not a cis woman after all. That’s how you know whether you pass or not. Your own opinion on your passing is not relevant for figuring that out. At what distance people start shouting anti-trans slurs at you tells much more. The unit of passing is the metre :)

So, the question is: How close do you need to walk to an anti-trans person before they start shouting their shit at you? In your case, you could probably give them a kiss and they would not notice.

What helped me was that I happen to have a very very overweight colleague. She’s absolutely not a model, but she is absolutely unambiguously a woman.

She does not need to look awesome to be a woman. You are not supposed to look like a good-looking woman. You are supposed to look like a woman. Take the least attractive cis woman that you would still never confuse for a cis man, and compare your outlook to that of hers. She is absolutely a woman, and if you look at least as woman as she does, then you look like a woman.

People can want whatever the fuck they want from a woman’s outlook. That their problem, not a problem of the woman.

I can want all the cider in my neighbouring shop for free. It doesn’t mean that the shop has to care. The shop is under no obligation to give me free cider. Even though I want them to give it to me.
And similarly, a lot of people want a woman to look good. But it does not mean the woman has to care. The woman is under no obligation to look good. Even though other people want her to look good.

Every cis woman has a right to not look good. And so do we. So do you. (And you also have a right to try to look good, and you I have met you IRL and know that you excercise that right with a lot of success.)

One more question to the end: Is a 85-year-old cis woman super sexy in your eyes? Probably not? Is she a woman in your eyes? Probably yes? Does she have a right to be called a woman although she is not sexy? Probably yes? Absolutely yes, I would say. A woman is a woman is a woman. Sexy or not.

Unsexy women are women.

The more logical reading is sensible indeed.

That does not mean other readings cannot exist at the same time.

Also, I wonder if they understand that by blockine they don’t really block me from seeing them – only themself from seeing me.

“social bubble”

Every person lives in a social bubble. You putting your in “hyphens” shows that you are just not aware of living in one. And that means that it has more effect on you than it has on people that are aware of them.

I’m guessing that even in Finland Dave Chapelle is more known that those people you mentioned.

Seriously. No, he is not. The reason is simply that he makes no shows in Finnish and we are tremendeously more able to get the full depth of jokes in Finnish than in English. Your “whole word” is just English-speaking countries. It is absolutely possible that the guy is known in England as well, but I don’t think more than 2 % of people in France or Germany or Netherlands or Italy know about him. Because he doesn’t have his shows in the local languages. Because he cannot.
We’ve got enough of very good standup comedians here. Someone in USA might be technically better but so much will be lost in translation that in the end we will be laughing more at our own standup comedians’ shows. Because we understand their nuances better. And it’s not even only about the language: There are plenty of small cultural aspects in USA that do not exist as such in Finland, and many references to them will be missed or misunderstood.

I like standup comedy a lot, and I would absolutely know if that guy was famous in Finland.

You said that.

Sorry, I assumed you had forgotten.

The problem is that you saying something with no actual basis doesn’t make it true, not in the least.

Well, you saying there is not basis when there is a basis is an argument. But a rather weak one.

People laughing at something doesn’t make it A) cruel/derisive or B) for whatever ridiculous made up reason you want to pull out of your ass.

It can make it, depending on what’s going on in the head of the person laughing. There are many ways to laugh at things. While in many manners you do give me an impression of a moron, in many ways you are not one. There is no reason to assume you are a hillbilly idiot. I do believe you would not laugh at me in a derisive manner if you saw my face. Many others do. And those people’s reactions to this joke image is what makes me feel afraid, not your reaction. And also not the intent of whoever made the image.

You’ve even got a problem with me assuming you knew one of the biggest comedians of all time?

I don’t think he can be one of the biggest comedians of all time if he is not known except in some specific region. I would know about him if he was as famous as it seems in your social bubble.

You still never gave a single reason that this joke would’ve hurt anyone, intentionally or not.

For accidentally omitting this, I am of course very sorry. So, here comes a reason:

The joke makes it look like there’s something funny or wrong with a woman’s face looking male to a lesser or bigger extent.

You just straight up made up intentions for a joke

If you go around inventing bad intent

Okay, here I can see we have a miscommunication. I have not communicated well enough if you have ended up thinking I find the intent of the joke bad. I see nothing wrong in its intent.

The only problem I have is with the result: With what the joke actually ends up being beside its intended meaning. As I said in that first comment of mine:

beside its main point

So, don’t worry, we probably think much more alike than you assume. The only problems about the joke are in what it accidentally conveys, because of thoughtlessness of the person who made it. I’m not blaming its intent. The intent is, actually, pure gold.

I assumed given the wild popularity of the guy you already were aware and probably already saw at least parts of the segments in question.

We are probably from different regions. This was the first time I ever heard of the comedian’s name. Over here, for example Ismo Leikola and Sami Hedberg wildly popular comedians. I’ve got the same reason to assume you know one of them as you do that I know Chappelle. Different comedians have gigs in different places. You really shouldn’t assume a random person on the Internet knows someone merely because that person is popular in your social bubble.

You’re automatically assuming funny indicates wrong.

Well, either wrong or being the butt of the joke. Yes. Punching down is considered wrong. So yes, a funny thing where you punch down is a wrong thing.

because a lot of transphobes exist, it’s possible for a joke involving the concept of gender looks could be based on derision. Does not mean it is though.

Yes. And because of this, a joke involving the concept of gender gets interpreted as being based on derision by a certain part of the audience. And that means they will interpret it as “trans people are to be ridiculed”. It does not matter what the sender of a message meant to say with it. What matters is how it gets interpreted by the audience. The joke was not meant to create anti-trans sentiment. It does create anti-trans sentiment in some of its viewers.
Since a sizable part of the viewers will interpret derision in it, and therefore increase their chance of attacking me, it is a thoughtless joke. Even if something whole different was meant with it.

Regarding Chappelle… I don’t think I’m going to search for videos of a person making jokes that would feel bad for me to watch, sorry. You’ll have to live with me not checking his videos out. But if he’s an ass, may he please rot.

With that butt? Come on, who’s gonna see anything else?

Once the brain has made a decision, it fits the rest of the reality to fit that decision if at all possible. And once the butt has been seen, and it’s a 100 % female butt, then a 10 % chance of another body part being interpreted as female is enough. The brain goes “100% female butt -> any chance of female means yes female”.

At least on the standard Finnish keyboard layout (not supported by any Microsoft operating systems, BTW…), you get that by pressing AltGr+T. And AltGr+D gives ð. And AltGr+S gives ß. Altogether there’s
qw€rþyuıœ̛˝
əßðfghjĸ ̵øæ
ʒ×cvbŋµ

Uh, why is this just a pic of a cute girl and a simple text phrase underneath it?

Surely more like PieFed/Lemmy. Just like mBin currently is. It’s easy to integrate microblog toots in a UI like that of PieFed, but much more difficult to integrate nested threaded discussions in the style of Forumverse into an UI like that of Mastodon.

Maybe an upgraded mBin is what I’d prefer?

I’d like to have a platform that can read as many different Fediverse platforms as possible. The three main Forumverse platforms can interact with Pixelfed and Mastodon and whatnot, but that could be made work a bit better still. This is merely a matter of development resources. There are platforms that can do what I wish for, but all of them have their cons:

• mBin supports having both Forumverse communities (or, “magazines”, as mBin calls them) and Mastodon posts in the same feed. I really like that! But, it doesn’t support all of Mastodon’s features, such as quote posts. At the same time, mBin is also lacking in its support of PieFed/Lemmy posts and comments: It is especially annoying to me that it doesn’t show images in comments, but replaces them with links I need to click in order to see the image alone and then press the browser’s back button to see the comment itself - sans the image again, of course. And also, mBin does not support polls, mBin does not support Flairs, etc. But missing the images in comments is a deal breaker for me, when it comes to Forumverse comments. And not supporting quote posts is a deal breaker regarding Mastodon compatibility.
• PieFed is planning to support Mastodon posts “sometime in the future, soonish”. It was originally planned for early 2026, but it’s gotten pushed down the priority list and probably won’t happen during 2027.
• Friendica can kind of do what I want, but its UI is incredibly complex to actually use. And it does not properly show Forumverse communities in the same feed where it shows everything else. And I really do not understand why the hell not. But also, when a user interface is as randomly built as that of Friendica, usually also the backend behind it is a tangled mess - this means, I don’t really trust the data security of Friendica. With that kind of spaghetti UI design, it’s likely to also have bugs that enable taking over people’s user accounts. And also, I don’t like it how Friendica forces me to @tag people in every comment that I write under Forumverse posts. Nor that it doesn’t even show all comments!

So, give me a platform that supports as many different Fediverse platforms at once as possible, and does that so that any new features of any platforms will be supported within two months of them having appeared on some platform. And give that a simple clean UI that allows me to blend microblog toots and Forumverse posts in one unified feed. I believe that would get a lot of people to move from Fecesbook to the Fediverse. And that would make the world a tad bit more democratic.

(And for any devs: I know I’m asking for much here! What I’d like to see would take an incredible amount of programming resources. Especially the part where I’d wish for any new features invented by devs of other platforms to be implemented only a couple months after their original appearance elsewhere. But, this is a post about what would be ideal, not so much about what would be realistically possible. But maaaaybe, maybe if a more inviting attitude to attracting as many new capable programmers as possible would be used on some platform, something like what I dream of could become reality? You’d need a core group deciding what gets implemented and a very large group of mindless programmer monkeys and graphical design monkeys who would do the actual work of turning the ideas into reality. Now all main platforms - PieFed, Lemmy, mBin and Mastodon - are programmed by closed inner circles that want everyone to have a good grasp of the whole project, instead of anyone actively searching for any new capable hands to delegate parts of the programming to.