(To any boys, my body is stupid cause it’s mine not cause it’s a boy, love you all)
Today I was in my library’s chinese literature section, and books like Peacock cries and Eileen Chang’s works were catching my eye (Side note:is there such a little amount of queer work from the mainland? I know lgbtq stuff isn’t exactly utopian there, but there’s so little stuff I can find on the western internet. If anyone has any sources and English translations [or just sources for chinese books, since im learning chinese rn] please send them my way)… While I was browsing I was just wishing I had a girl-friend or girlfriend with me to talk to about this stuff. Then I though maybe there was some lesbian reading group I could join somewhere in my city. Who knows, might as well check. And then I remembered that I haven’t even started to transition yet. I’m still a boy, and it just sucks so much. How could I ever date someone before I start transitioning? Can I even interact with girls in the way I want to in this dumb body? Why is there so much hair everywhere?
I know being a girl isn’t effortless or perfect, and I know that being a pretty girl is even harder. But why did my life have to be extra hard like this?
I’m not familiar with queer literature in China but I think it would be pertinent to look at writers or publishing houses in and around Sichuan and mainly Chengdu as there is a big LGBT+ community there in general
This reminds me of myself when I was in highschool, I’m sorry you’re struggling comrade. If you want to discuss any barriers to your transition I’m here with you and I may be able to help. In any case stay strong, your future is one piece of our collective future and that is worth fighting for.
