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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-01-28 11:54:48+00:00.

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I am not The OOP, OOP is u/AssignmentUnited2745

AITA for Ruining My Family’s New Year’s Eve by Refusing to “Join the Fun” Because I Didn’t Want to Be the DD Again?

Originally posted to r/AmItheAsshole & r/AITAH

Thanks to u/queenlegolas for suggesting this BoRU

TRIGGER WARNING: entitlement, possible alcoholism

Original Post Jan 6, 2025

Hey Reddit, I (26F) need some serious perspective. I’m starting to think I might be the asshole, but I still feel like I’m in the right lol.

Every New Year’s Eve, my family has a big party at my aunt and uncle’s house and every year, without fail, I end up being the DD. Don’t get me wrong I love my family, but it’s starting to bug me. It’s been like this since I was 19, even before I was legally allowed to drink.

I don’t drink much—maybe a glass of wine or a beer, but I don’t get plastered. I’m fine with driving people home if they need it, but for the past few years, everyone expects me to not drink so I can drive them back. Every year, it’s the same: “Oh, can you drive? You’re not drinking anyway!” I always say yes because I don’t want to let anyone down.

Fast forward to this year’s New Year’s Eve. I told my family ahead of time I wasn’t going to be the DD anymore. I just wanted to enjoy the night, have a couple of drinks, and not be responsible for getting everyone home. I even told my cousin who usually gets really sloshed that I wasn’t driving this year, and she was fine with it.

When I got to the party, it was the usual chaos. People were drinking, laughing, and having a good time. I was enjoying myself, but around 11, my cousin came over and asked if I was ready to drive everyone home. I reminded her I’m not driving tonight, I’m here to enjoy the party. She looked at me like I was crazy and said, “Come on, you always drive! Don’t be a bitch.” Which like, wtf?

I tried to explain calmly that I wasn’t being a bitch, just that I wasn’t going to be the chauffeur anymore. Then, my aunt overheard and pulled me aside. She lectured me, saying, “We all agreed last year you’d be driving. You know how much we rely on you. Everyone else is too tipsy, and Ubering is so unsafe. Just drive this one time, for the family.”

I felt a ton of pressure but refused I told her I’m not their chaufeur and wasn’t going to do it again just because no one else could figure out their own ride. My aunt got upset, saying I was being selfish and that we’re family. She said I’m the only one who doesn’t get ‘too drunk,’ so it makes sense for me to help out. I told her I had already had three beers, so I wasn’t even legally supposed to drive myself.

That’s when I snapped. I told them it’s not my job to be their DD every year just because I’m the only one who doesn’t get blackout drunk. They needed to figure out their own rides this time. Then I got up and left. I felt bad walking out, but I didn’t want to be a doormat anymore.

I spent the rest of New Year’s Eve at home, watching Netflix and eating leftover pasta with my boyfriend. My family texted me, calling me dramatic, selfish, and saying I ruined the night. They said I was being “super sensitive” and that everyone was “disapointed” in me. Everyone’s demanding an apology out of me even now.

And by the way, I got home perfectly safe by Uber. But anyways, Reddit, AITA?

VERDICT: NOT THE ASSHOLE

RELEVANT COMMENTS

EmceeSuzy

You are NTA.

Your family is gross.

But why didn’t you boyfriend spend NYE with you???

OOP

He’s a nurse and had a shift that cut into the party. He could’ve potentially come but he was exhausted and wanted to go straight home and take a shower while he waited for me to get back. Another reason I didn’t want to be the DD, I didn’t want to stay out too late cause I wanted to see my boyfriend.

EmceeSuzy

Well I agree wholeheartedly with the redditor who said you should spend NYE someplace else. What you auntie did was incredibly entitled and disrespectful. Clearly, YOU did not agree to be the driver. She and your other drunk relatives decided that you would be the driver.

If you’re going to celebrate NYE with them in the future, you need to cut the cord and be absent for a few years so that they can figure out how to handle this without you and without treating you like their paid chauffeur.

OOP

I agree but at the same time I feel like this is tearing a hole between me and my family and that’s the last thing I want. My sister was on my side after hearing both sides of the story. She lives on the other side of the country and is pissed off for my sake lol. My parents however are embarassed and I feel bad about that.

Brown_phantom

Is this usage of alcohol common in your family? Like any event an excuse to drink? There was a post here a while ago about a guy whose parents always made him DD on Halloween. It sounds similar to this.

OOP

I didn’t realize this was a common thing, I’m a little relieved to know I’m not alone. But yeah, my family loved to get “tipsy” at things like parties, football games, barbecues, etc. I decided young I wouldn’t be a big drinker because I always found the behaviour disgusting, especially watching how mean my dad could get when he drank too much.

Brown_phantom

When you got your driver’s license, did being the DD become a common assignment?

OOP

Not at first. I’m someone who struggles with a lot of anxiety and driving caused that for a long time. I pushed off getting my license until I was eighteen bc of it. They didn’t ask me to be a DD until I was nineteen and at first, I felt kind of cool because I was being the “responsible adult” and helping people I loved out. But it quickly got old when I had to drive back and forth multiple times to get everyone home and no one offered to pay for gas :/

Update Jan 21, 2025 (15 days later)

Soooo update lol?

Before I get onto that I want to address some popular questions from my last post. Some people got confused and asked similar questions so I thought it might be nice to answer them here.

How do I give everyone a ride home? My family lives about an hour and a half from my aunt’s house, so I’d fill my car with everyone I could and take them home. The next day, they’d take their spouses cars to pick up the ones they left. Stupid I know.

How did I get home? I Ubered.

Why was my cousin asking to leave at 11? She was drunk and probably had no idea what time it was. My aunt overheard me getting a little upset and pulled me aside, which sparked everything.

Update time

I ended up sending a text to our family group chat, including those who didn’t make it to the party but heard about what happened. I’ll copy and paste what I said here:

“Hey everyone, I’m not going to apologize for what happened on New Year’s Eve. I told you all well in advance that I wasn’t going to be the designated driver this year, and I expected you to respect that. I’m not anyone’s personal chauffeur, and I’m done being treated like I’m responsible for everyone else’s lack of planning. When (Cousin) called me a bitch for not driving, that was uncalled for. And Aunt (Name), lecturing me about being selfish and ruining the night because I chose to enjoy myself instead of taking on that responsibility again? I love you all, but I can’t be your punching bag anymore. I’m not going to keep letting myself be the one who sacrifices for everyone else’s convenience. I’ve done it for years, and I’m done. Next year I think I’ll be spending New Year’s somewhere else. I wish you all safe rides home and hope you’ll be able to figure something out. I’ll be taking some space from everyone and hope you will understand.”

I then made the painful decision of blocking my parents who have been calling me terrible names and making me feel like complete shit since this happened. I never realized how dark my childhood was with all the gaslighting. My parents are probably the reason I have such severe anxiety.

My sister and brother are on my side and equally pissed off at our family so I still got them at least. I really do want to thank you all. I’ve always known something was off with my family, but I never realized how much I was taken for granted. How unloved I felt until now. Thank you for helping me realize that I’m worth more.

And to end on a positive note my boyfriend is now my fiancé. A few days after my post he proposed! His original plan was to take me to see some cutesy light displays in our town after I got home and propose there-which made my heart melt a little since I knew he was so tired after working lol-but when he saw me walk in crying, he read the room and switched thin…

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