• FooBarrington@lemmy.world
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    2 days ago

    There has been a warning issued for your district, Tom Brady has been sighted. Keep your doors locked and your cups covered.

    If Tom Brady knocks on your door, above all: Don’t reply. Don’t make a sound. Don’t cry, weep or even sweat. Hide, and pray, for he can sense any fluids on your skin.

    We’d like to issue a correction. In our previous story, we’ve stated that Tom Brady can sense fluids on the outside of a person. We’ve received confirmation that Tom Brady has now developed the ability to sense them on the inside as well. May God have mercy on us all, for Tom Brady has none.

    • tetris11@lemmy.ml
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      2 days ago

      *Ding-Dong!¸*
      “Oh good, it’s the water man - I hope he’s thirsty!”