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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-01-29 05:02:02+00:00.
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/pineappleprincesspie
My Boyfriend (28M) Went On Vacation Without Me (28F)
TRIGGER WARNING: neglect, prejudice/bigotry
Original Post - rareddit Nov 4, 2019
My boyfriend gets three weeks of vacation per year. He took a week over the summer, has a week-long ski trip with his family planned in February, and then his third week is this week. For months, he’s talked about planning a trip for just us. His parents (with whom I don’t see eye-to-eye) asked him to come home for a few days to spend time with them. So my boyfriend talked about splitting the week between a trip with me and a few days at home with his parents. But then last week, he announced that the most convenient dates for his parents would be Sunday-Saturday… aka, the entire week. And that’s the flight he booked. He reassured me that he and I would still have two full days together (the Saturday before his flight and the Sunday after.) But now I’m sitting alone in our apartment during a week when I thought that I’d be traveling with my boyfriend and I’m so hurt that I’m in tears. I don’t know if I’m being petty or if this is a genuine thing to be upset over. My boyfriend has tried to suggest that we take a long weekend together over the holidays to make up for this week, but that just feels like a consolation prize. I don’t know what to do or how to feel right now. I feel abandoned, but then I feel like a brat for feeling that way. Idk, any advice??
TLDR: my boyfriend told me that we’d go on a trip together this week, but instead he booked his entire vacation time to go home to see his parents.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
Woodit
Does your vacation time also line up with his? Was there a solid plan or just “let’s go somewhere?” Did y’all discuss a budget for a trip?
OOP
I work remotely, so I can travel at any time. We’d talked about ideas, but he said that he’d plan something (as a pseudo-surprise.) As for budget, he said that he would take care of everything as a way to make up for forgetting my birthday a few months ago. So tbh, the suggested long weekend over the holidays is essentially a make up for the make up.
vodka_philosophy
He forgot your birthday, said he’d plan a surprise trip for this week to make up for it, and his “surprise” trip was that he was ditching you to spend the whole week with his family who don’t like you? I honestly would call and let him know you’ll be gone by the time he gets back then go find someone who not only makes you a priority but also keeps their word.
OOP
I’m so torn. My boyfriend is usually the nicest guy. He’s kind, gentle, and our relationship is filled with respect and open communication. Most of the time, it’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in, so good that it feels surreal. But then there are these moments when I’m so crushed that I feel helpless and hopeless. It’s difficult to reconcile how someone who is usually so kind to me can treat me like I’m completely worthless. I’m trying to reconcile if these are red flags, and how a relationship that is usually so wonderful can have these red flags.
Jemniduchz
Let me save you the debate: they are huge red flags. 🚩🚩🚩.
He prioritizes his parents over you and will continue to do so.
Update Nov 7, 2019 (3 days later)
First of all, thank you to everyone who commented and gave advice on my previous two posts!! I cannot thank you enough!!
Here’s the update: my boyfriend is visiting his parents for his week off right now, despite having promised to at least split the week and plan a trip for just us. I brought up how hurt this made me and how I’d like to find a solution, and he initially suggested (on his own without any suggestion from me) that he fly home mid-week and we go to the place of my choosing. He gave a few options, and attending a home football game at my collegiate alma mater had me sold! So I got totally stoked for this weekend… except that he never actually bought tickets nor booked flights. When I asked him about it, he reiterated that he’d be back from visiting his parents this weekend. I was so confused!
So I tried talking to him again, and he told me about the many conversations he’s had with his parents about me this week while he’s been with them. I made my boyfriend a scrapbook for his birthday and reached out to his sister for childhood photos, which his mom saw as “an ulterior motive to infiltrate the family and steal personal pictures and information.” Then his dad announced that he will never again be in the same room as me. His parents have this insane, irrational hatred of me… which his dad FINALLY admitted this week is because I’m not Jewish, I’m from a southern state, and I’m registered as a political independent instead of “having the patriotism to choose a party and stand by it.” WTF!!! So that was all absurd and crazy, which I thought that my boyfriend would recognize as completely on his parents’… but then this morning he had the nerve to ask me, “If we stay together, will you seriously be okay not having in-laws and making me choose between spending vacation with my family or spending it with my partner? Do you think that’s fair to me?” OH HELLLLL NOOOO!!! Needless to say, that was the tipping point for me. I told him to get back to me once he’s grown up and become his own person.
TLDR: my boyfriend and I broke up
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