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The original was posted on /r/truscum by /u/everydayawkward_ on 2025-01-22 20:05:36+00:00.

I have a trans gay boyfriend, very femme, very fragile and a bottom. I’m top - I guess you could call me the “masc” one both in our relationship and generally in life.

I can’t get over not having a cock. It’s driving me crazy. I feel like I’m not enough. I can’t penetrate him and he can’t give me bj - he never said so but I can see he’s repulsed by me having a v*gina, when he’s going down on my tdick he needs to stop when I get wet. He doesn’t want to touch me, he sucks on my fingers telling me he can imagine it’s my (“cis”) dick, I know he’d like me to be able to cum (as in sperm lmao).

When we’re out with our girlfriends they keep talking about their dream man and I could never live up to those expectations and I KNOW he’d also like me to be tall, strong, masculine, BIG. I’m 5’7 and he’s 5’10 and it’s also bringing me down. I know it was shitty of me but I ashamed him like once for being too tall - not harshly, we were talking bout Sabrina Carpenter being 5’2 and I told him “wish it was your height” knowing he actually wanted to be shorter at some point in life.

I’m so disgusted by myself and can’t do phallo both because of financial problems, health complications and it’s also illegal where I live. I dream of sewing my fucking hole I want to puke whenever I get aroused. When I feel it. And I have to somehow masturbate and afterwards I want to kill myself. I’ve never been that insecure and dysphoric. I want to have a dick, I want to be taller, I want to have a flat chest I hate everything about that three fucking things I want to smash my head against the wall