cross-posted from: https://beehaw.org/post/19420914
Trying to understand why I had these opinions, I recalled how much different being a man felt at 18 versus 28. I had no money which I presumed meant I had no value to the opposite sex. I wanted the company of women and girls, but I also resented them because I lacked experience in dating and my few experiences were rocky. A lot of magazines and headlines focused on the shortcomings of men and boys in the early 2010s, and it was easy for me to get negatively polarized into thinking it was a personal attack. Academic feminism did and does a much better job explaining patriarchy better than blogs and news sites which boiled down systems of sexism to individual behaviors.
My experience as a resentful teen boy wasn’t unique. It’s the same experience that millions of boys are going through, which they’d ordinarily grow out of by the time they hit their twenties. In my case, it was happening during a period of social revolution on gender and during an evolution in mass communications. Many of these early communities on Atheism, which captured me for their sensibility and anti-orthodoxy, evolved into anti-progressivism and eventually evolved into the Redpill and Manosphere which is how millions of young boys today engage with their gender. At least my period in this mindset was short lived: about two years. By the time 2016 rolled around, I had clearly lost interest in online gender wars as tyranny seemed a greater threat. I was now 24 and actively attending college; I had plenty of friendships and dating experiences with women, and that teenage resentment was forgotten.
The big crisis we’re dealing with today is that the resentment is not only not expiring when men get into their twenties, but it’s being weaponized globally by parties against men’s material interests. What young boys like me didn’t realize when we were being lectured about patriarchy and the problems of men, is that being a man is an extremely privileged position over women, we’re just not old enough to benefit from it yet. This presents a problem on how we teach oppression and discrimination to young people who have little autonomy of their own and feel bad when you imply your immutable characteristics harm people you seek validation from.
I am not saying that the patriarchy doesnt run deep even at that age. I’m saying that it is different and those differences are not usually what is presented to anyone at that age.
In primary school, from a dating scene perspective, girls have much more control and choice (I mean, in situations where they are not actively oppressed by family/government/etc, which again, boys are not likely exposed to). When boys are presented with explainations of the patriarchy that absolutely do not jive with the feelings of inadequacy they likely have, they probably throw out the whole idea.
I also agree that “touch-grass” is bad advice, since if that was an option, it probably would have happened already.
Solution-wise, I would love to see an organization partner with xbox/playstation online services and have problematic players referred to counseling to correct these issues (and to get their accounts unbanned).
Sadly I think you are right and some groups are totally on board with more oppression as a means to force women into situations with them. Sigh.