i do not see the point in continuing on. decades of struggle with little progress made along the way and a life filled with false starts. i’m exhausted with the entire song and dance of taking two steps forward and one step back. just recently i was finally scheduled for a psychiatric appointment i’ve been waiting a whole year for and tomorrow i start a new job that is an ideal fit for me. but just today i was denied my medications because the state cut me off, and now i have to pay out of pocket and i simply can’t. i’m going to be without medication for 2-3 weeks until my first paycheck. i’m already going though withdrawals. i read that my medications can cause pretty severe symptoms if you abruptly stop. oh well.

who cares? doesn’t seem like many do. my government certainly doesn’t. if i could die to free up space they’d be grateful. i am a leech and a failure and now i’m a drain for needing medical assistance.

i have nobody to help me. i can’t ask family, i have none. i can’t ask my friends, they’re all struggling as well. there’s nothing locally for me to take advantage of—i’ve already checked several times. the pharmacy said they couldn’t give me any solutions either.

honestly, at this point i’m more than willing to let go. i can’t do it myself. i am depending on an accident to take me out. maybe soon, who knows. let’s hope.