I like girls. And guys, but guys are easy. Girls not so much, and for good reason. Guys are horny monsters that sexually assault and harass women, and, being aware of this, I (a) don’t want to come across as a potential threat and (b) want them to feel comfortable around me.
Thing is, I also want to hit on women because again I like girls. How can I do this without coming across as a creep and still let them feel comfortable? Not a fan of dating apps, feel like they’re ineffective (tho I’ve have some luck on them (not much tho) ).
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Stupid as it sounds, be in the mindset of the human equivalent of using psspsspss instead of walking over and just petting a cat. It’s a goddamn miracle I’m married.
Always approach a woman such that she has a way out. It should be in an environment when she knows that she can easily leave peacefully and/or get help from someone she trusts if anything goes wrong.
Not that you’d do something that bad, it’s just that she doesn’t necessarily know that yet. And putting her in a situation where it’s difficult for her to leave and/or get help can make you look like a creep.
Also, women tend to me more stimulated through their minds than through their eyes. Positive humour can be a big winner. Of course, being easy on the eyes helps a ton.
positive humor can be a big winner. of course, being easy on the eyes helps a ton
well shit, guess I’m cooked :/
jk, sort of. how can I develop better positive humor?
Yeah, the whole key to it is to be aware of the situation that women are in.
Position your body so that they aren’t “cornered”. No touching at all, no looming, choose your words to be an invitation rather than pressure. Part of that is making an introduction first, rather than just going for it.
Make the invitation open and honest, as well as appropriate to the venue. Include, right after the introduction, an offer to bugger off if you’re intruding.
You can do all this while still being confident, and presenting yourself in a way that matches your inner self. If you’re a bit of a show-off comedic sort, great, follow that up with some humor. If you aren’t, then stay real.
Example. You say, “hey, I’m southsamurai (well, please don’t impersonate me), is it cool if I join you?” You’re asking permission as well as initiating contact. You could go with “hey, I’m southsamurai, and I’d like to join you for a bit” if they say no, you give them a smile and walk away with a polite wave. If they agree, take a seat or whatever, and lead off with “thanks, just tell me to bugger off any time you want. So, how bout them bears?” The bears part is to gauge their awareness of the omnipresent threat of ursids, not a random example of smalltalk. If they didn’t offer a name, ask their name right after joining them; but most of the time, if they don’t offer a name, they aren’t interested and are just being polite/avoiding trouble, so be aware of that and be ready to bugger off.
As far as positive humor goes, that’s subjective for the most part. But avoid telling jokes. Seriously, no knock knocks, no gags or bits. If that’s part of who you are, great, but it’ll otherwise be one of those things where you’d be rolling the dice. You get the right roll, they’re into standard jokes, and laugh. Roll wrong, and they have to decide whether or not to laugh to make you feel better, whether or not the joke is positive and friendly or not.
The more performative you are, the more it turns into you showing off rather than treating someone like a human being first.
So, if you aren’t the sort for casual and neutral joking, don’t try to learn it. Just focus on being who you are, while showing interest.
But, the most important thing, imo, is to never reach a point where you have to wonder if you should bugger off. Do so instead. If you feel the vibe is working, offer your contact info and outright say that you’re going to head off and not impose on their time. Most of the time, if they are into you, they’ll either stop you, or make some kind of gesture like giving you their contact info, or ask if you really have to go, something like that.
The rest of the time, they haven’t decided yet, or they aren’t into you at all, and either way it’s better to just bugger off with a smile and a wave. Just, for fucks sake, don’t go around hitting on everyone around after that, even in a singles meeting group.
You don’t have to be uber handsome. You just have to be clean, smell decent (no fucking axe or cheap aftershave), and be respectful. I’m not saying that is going to make every woman love you, I’m saying that part of being attractive is putting in basic effort for your state. Looks are inherently subjective, though there are some common factors that make a big chunk of average attraction. You can’t control your features, but you can control bathing and putting together a decent outfit that matches your self.
Thank you for doing the lords work by explaining this in such detail to men tbh lol I wish more guys understood this stuff. I like getting approached I just want it to be comfortable to bow out gracefully
Would add if you have the sort of job where you have business cards no problem handing her a business card on the way out. Just as long as it’s a legit business card. Otherwise write it on a piece of paper before approaching
It’s a lot easier to offer a piece of paper than asking her to write it in her phone awkwardly. I personally tend to freeze up when guys ask this stuff so making it as simple as possible for me and then leaving so I can think about it alone is ideal
I just meant joking without negativity. I don’t think self-deprecation would work well, for example, and negging is just evil, lol
The only suggestion I could think of for developing it would be to join an improv class.
A lot of pickup lines are just wordplay, based on puns and stuff. And Dad Jokes are called Dad Jokes because they got laid at some point! Lol
