I’m a useless, pathetic dog. I’m a worthless creep who will never have value or amount to anything, just like she said.

Even the most accepting people hate me and throw me away in the end. They like my autistic friend more than me. They think I’m disgusting and never will forgive me for missing social cues.

If even the kindest people make me sad and give me mental problems, and even the kindest people hate me, then I must be a terrible person.

And the mental problems I currently have make me a terrible daughter. A terrible girlfriend who can’t be there for her boyfriend. A terrible person.

This will be the saddest way our relationship has to end. This time, it won’t be because they don’t get along, but because I’ll be dead just like she wants.

I hope he finds a better gf. Maybe I won’t be dead anyway. I’ll be taking a shower soon so it could give me time to think and clear my mind.

I try to work on myself and be a better person, one that everyone wants, but I can never be what they want or they threaten me. I will never be forgiven and I’ll always be scum who should die to them.

I love you, my boyfriend 💕

And my family ❤️

But I fucking hate you, even if you were right, Bella.

  • slingstone@lemmy.world
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    1 day ago

    I don’t know you. I can’t judge the truth of your statements about your flaws, hurts, etc. I do know you sound like me when I’m trying to hurt myself. I often talk like this and blame myself for things it’s impossible for me to control. I say that to give background to say this…

    Don’t make any snap decisions based on despair. Please. I don’t know you, but your life is precious… Don’t let despair take it from you. There’s always hope. I’m happy that you took time to think and get clarity. Please talk to people you can trust and get support. You deserve so much better than to live in self-hatred and hopelessness.