It runs in the family. Mood swings, abandonment issues, and narcissistic behaviors.
Love bombing, discarding, acting like nothing happened and love bombing again. That’s what most people I’ve been close to acted. That’s how my bully acted, that’s how my family acts, some members.
I feel like subconsciously, I try to manipulate situations in my favor and try to convince people why the world is such a good place with me in it. The last one is how I want to feel, though.
I will get upset and, if over text, mute their notifications to cool down or just ignore them, but then I come back like nothing happened, just like how other people I know behave. Everyone I was or am close to.
I ask people what they think I am because I want to be the ideal image, probably. So I can actually be something and someone and not an empty void.
Many in my family, my past friends, and bullies, have shown Cluster B personality signs.
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Honestly a large part of what you’re describing is just human nature, and a big part of growth is recognizing that actions and identity are different.
Just because you ate a hotdog, that doesn’t make you a person who only eats hotdogs. You are not defined as X, you are a complex and nuanced human.
That said, if you recognize your flawed behavior and don’t adjust, you’re in for a bad time as life goes on. The loneliest people I know are those who embraced narcissism until the day they died.
Or they could seek out help from an actual doctor which is the path I suggest for OP.
Are you able to speak with a therapist? Do those big feelings seem to appear randomly or due to consistent behavioral triggers?
Do you have any specific trauma from family or bullies? If so, you should look into a “trauma -informed” therapist.
Note: If this is your first time meeting with a therapist, know that it’s a match-making process. Before jumping into your personal history, determine if you and the therapist can communicate well, and you feel comfortable to communicate.
A good therapist will likely not tell you, “here’s what’s wrong with you. Go sort it out.” The goal will be to understand how your brain and body respond to your environment. It’s a learning process.
