As I’ve gained more and more close friends, more than I’ve ever had in my life, and some closer than I’ve ever had in my life, I’ve come to realize something recently. Despite the prevailing feeling like I want a relationship, I don’t actually know why it is I want one, nor what I have to gain from one.
Many of my friends nowadays are in fact either people who have rejected me romantically, or are exs that things just didn’t work out with but we found we made better friends. And that’s been the case with getting rejected too. I just end up enjoying the friendship so much, and getting so much out of it, that I just start to wonder why I ever wanted anything more than that. And what even is more than that?
Maybe everybody else has already realized this by my age, and my sheltered religious upbringing has just held me back a few years again, but I’ve started seriously considering, with every new crush, if they’d actually be any better for me as a partner instead of just a friend, and I’ve found that the answer, thus far, has always been no.
I guess the only thing that still has me wondering is, well, what does a romantic relationship offer that friendship doesn’t? My friends already love me, and tell me all the time. They already care for me in ways I used to think only a partner would, and I do my best to care for them too. I still desire a romantic relationship for some reason, but I just can’t see what there is to gain anymore.
So I see where you’re coming from. If your group of friends can collectively address all your needs, you would really feel like you don’t need a romantic partner. And maybe you don’t, which is perfectly fine.
I don’t know where you are in your life. Personally, I’m in my 30s, and I’ve had close friends that have come and go. I grew up with making and losing friends constantly like any kid who had a military parent. All of this is to provide a bit perspective for when I say that (at least in my experience) friends don’t stay. There isn’t a reason for them to put you first in their lives. As they get more involved in new or existing relationships of their own, romantic or otherwise, there will be drifting and shifting of priorities. And unless you’re really good at making friends, it gets harder to make friends as you get older.
A romantic partner is supposed to put you first on that list of social priorities and for a very long time. And it’s that feeling of counting on someone to be there for you when you need it that provides a sense of safety and comfort when your overall social network changes.
