This has been playing through my mind of late. Erase her, and I can’t see sticking around. She was the first woman I had that tension with that turned out to be connection neither of us knew presented as such.
She didn’t want to hire me. I thought she was a bitch. Then came rubbing her shoulders as she corrected a layout without fucking realizing I was doing it (she didn’t point out this was inappropriate behaviour). The time I came out of the production room into the newsroom and basically had to choke back “hon” (which I’d not used in any relationship at that point) to then go even more disastrous by calling her by an abbreviated name reserved for family, which is when she realized.
It would be a bit until we unpacked that, but as she told it, using that name should have enraged her but instead felt correct. It was apparently an effective part of the mating dance.
I can’t help but wonder, had I gone to Berkeley or Cornell instead, would I have even gotten into journalism, or would I instead be successful?
To go from growing up not realizing mortgages existed (doesn’t everyone just pay cash for a house?) to freezing in a van is a journey I’d not wish on anyone else.
Yeah… we got lied to, and swindled. I grew up with “who cares about rent, there’s always one or two houses to fall back, worst case go to the summer house, use your money on yourself!”, ended up wondering whether I’ll be able to afford funeral costs and 20 more years of a relatively low mortgage if anything goes wrong tomorrow, as in one day from now. I’ve been lucky to avoid getting thrown on the street (not even a van) from medical bills, but it doesn’t help to get disability denied because I came 2 months short of the minimum. Cases like yours, really scare me. Hope you find a solution… then share it 😨