So I should be asking this question to a psychologist experienced with dealing with gender issues, but the waiting time for that is measured in months, so here I am. I know that the amount of help an internet forum can provide me is limited, so I’m kind of just dumping my thoughts to see if I can make sense of any of this.
Anyway, getting into it, I’ve recently been doubting my gender identity. Like, I honestly cannot conclusively tell you which gender I really feel like I am. I want to so badly be able to say “I am a woman” or “I am a man”. I suspect that I am a woman, but I want to be able to know it, not piece together circumstantial evidence from what feels like a third person view.
For those of you who might have followed my (numerous) posts, before taking hormones, I couldn’t wait to start transitioning. After taking my first shot of hormones, I don’t feel enthusiastic to transition at all. Maybe that’s just the reality of the situation and all the future troubles setting in. Maybe my expectations are just warped. Maybe it’s just the hormones messing with my emotions. Maybe I’m actually non-binary.
[Possible CW: transphobia]
Even more worryingly, I have the fear that I am just misinterpreting a “kink”. Or is that fear just internalized transphobia?
The only thing I know for certain is that “normal” men don’t have such prolonged and intense identity crises. All I wish for is to just find out the right answer before I make a complete fool of myself. Although, I guess this is all my fault for rushing in out of desperation to finally “fix” myself.
It’s probably “normal.” Sounds familiar anyway.
Short answer: “man” “woman” and “nonbinary” aren’t real and there is no evidence to analyze to see which category you belong to. Over time you will figure out your vast and multifaceted preferences.
Longer, better answer: you should read this recent hexbear post (well, mostly the comments).
Ah, so much of the theory on that thread is stuff similar to what I’ve already read for years now. And yet when it comes to applying it on myself, I’m feeling so caught up in doubts and the system of gender. It feels honestly embarrassing. Years of immersing myself in dialectical materialist philosophy/memes, and yet I’m still so comically unprepared for making the changes I want in my life.
But yeah, the comments on that post have really boosted my confidence. For now, I’ll continue with hormones to see how I react to further changes. Thanks a lot.
Fair enough. Makes sense why there’s so much emphasis on practice (besides that being where the revolution comes from) because you kind of have to live dialectical materialism to understand it fully.
Glad your confidence is boosted. Congrats on the hormones! Good luck :3.