I wish I could give you a hug. My husband is similar, he struggles with emotions and has always been “the calm rock.” Everyone compliments him on his patience and temper, he is an extremely chill person to be around. Because of this, he struggles heavily with any time he does not fulfill that role. His self worth is tied to how much he can fix or do for others and in a non-bothersome way. We’ve been together for about 10 years and he’s gotten more comfortable expressing his emotions but still feels immense shame when he cries or breaks down. Your last sentence is such a good point I’ve never really thought about. I should start paying more attention to how he needs and wants to express those emotions earlier. He’s bottled and masked for so long I don’t think he’s ever been able to give different forms of expression a chance.
Dude. Thank you. That was honestly the moment I paid more attention. Before the sub, I was in the general group of people that thought he was just a really out there tech enthusiast who was investing in cool stuff. Trying to mainstream electric vehicles? Cool cool. Free/cheap internet access for all around the world? Sounds great. Getting people interested in space again? Cool cool cool. That marketing team did a great job of keeping him associated with being an innovative, relatable, quirky “genius.” Until he couldn’t get them to use his sub idea to save those boys. His eruption into that multi-week temper tantrum made me actually pay attention to him a bit and I was disgusted. It feels like he must have fired whatever PR team he had during his tantrum and has just been riding off the rails since trying to regain that image of a savior he once had.