Yet another reminder that the past was the worst.

Yeah what was up with that? Were kids spiky back then?

Great question!

I was stuck in the abusive patterns from my upbringing well into my 30s, including getting in one abusive relationship after another. Unfortunately, due to my own reactivity from trauma, I ended up with some pretty toxic mindsets and behaviours as well.

That’s when I finally got in a healthy relationship, and that was when I finally found a therapist who knew to tell me that my upbringing had NOT been normal, in fact it had been horribly abusive. I knew something was “off” before then because I had been the scapegoat but I never realized the scope of it. It led me to challenge my discomfort with being treated with respect (crazy but true) and to challenge my own dysregulation and subsequent behaviours.

I had always figured I was mostly the problem, as I had been led to believe. And in all my years of therapy I had also been treated as if the problem existed solely within ME (which I consider a serious flaw in conventional therapy tbh) and not with my environment.

These days I’m fairly low contact with my parents, who mellowed out a great deal after I moved out, and I live a pretty good life but I’m still working very hard to heal. Despite there being little to no physical abuse, my childhood truly felt like hell. I mostly survived by dissociating, which got so bad I ended up dissociated throughout pretty much my whole life. It’s really hard to get out of that state.

No festival needs to go on longer than 7 hours, what are we, teenagers?

It’s bittersweet that there are so many of us, but at least we can try to support one another. :)

You’re welcome! I hope it helps.

And blackjack and hookers?

It’s a big club, and we’re not in it.