My husband will walk into my office and just stand there until I respond. He’s trying not to break my chain of thought by not speaking. In his own way, he’s being very sweet. It’s well-intentioned but it breaks my chain of thought immediately anyway.

He thinks that I am bringing my task to a good stopping point before I respond to his presence, but I’m actually waging an internal war with myself: don’t rip his face off, I know I have been working a grand total of 15 minutes and he had every opportunity the rest of the freaking day to say whatever inane thing he is about to say that could have been a text, I should have shut the door if I didn’t want him wandering in, breathe breathe breathe … “yes, sweetie? What do you need?”

I got a therapist for this same type of thing - it really does suck. I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin all the time. The right therapist can be so helpful. My mind still races, but I automatically use the SOBER technique now without thinking through the acronym first. Or I name the issue “this is avoidant - what am I avoiding?” Or I ask “how can I reframe this?” To stay in the moment, I use a sensory exercise. Seek a therapist who will TEACH, not just sympathize.

She may have been enjoying the sounds outside, she may be an introvert and was recharging, she may have been thinking her own thoughts and wanted to finish, maybe the coffee had not finished doing it’s work - sometimes silence is not about being angry or feeling distant from someone. She did tell you she didn’t want to talk about anything. Maybe that’s why she got upset?