can we at least get a content warning on this shit

actually yk fuck it the mods here suck anyways, come join us at onehundrednintysix instead, i should have unsubbed here already

felt that brother

i’m (probably) not as old as you are (>5 years on T/in my thirties) but i cannot imagine stopping testosterone would help you at this point

the target is on, essentially, “people who look trans” (so, including non-passing trans people, as well as gnc cis folks or folks who tend towards androgeny in genetics or hormones). we have always existed, and there have always been, passing trans people. part of our survival has just been… passing, and only engaging in intimate relationships with trusted people

you would, in my opinion (without seeing you), more likely “fail to pass” as a woman instead of as a man. you didn’t really talk about this much in your post, beyond implying you’ve been on testosterone a long time, but if you pass consistently as it is…

holy fuck, NO, DON’T DE-TRANSITION!

presumably, you have facial hair, you might have top surgery, you probably have the muscular and fat distribution of a man! why would you spend probably two years, endangering yourself as you detransition, for something that will (hopefully) at least be tempered in four years?

if anything, my bigger concern is just staying supplied with testosterone until the end of the term. if i run out and start detransitioning, not only am i going to be depressed as fuck, but also i’ll likely be in much more danger that way, especially 6/12 months in

(and i don’t want to downplay the trouble that chenical dysphoria invites either, good mental state is absolutely a boon in surviving dangerous situations)

if anything, now is the time to figure out how to secure your testosterone supply. if your papers all have your updated gender, and your current supplier is on your side, see if they can adjust your diagnosis from gender dysphoria to hormone imbalance. at least on paper. otherwise, see about securing local sources of testosterone from your supportive community, or do some reading into crypto and finding an online source for it (which will always be around, albeit expensive)

i’ve also lived a hard life and i also would detransition if i had to, to survive. however, my assessment is that, given that i already pass completely, it would be a huge mistake to try to preemptively detransition. and honestly, i’m grateful for that. those of us who are earlier in their transition, or whose presentations lean more non-binary, have a much harder assessment to make

and, as fucked up as it is, we can use our powers as cis-passing men to speak up for those of us in more vulnerable positions. it does everyone good to have more of us in those positions of power

i think you might have some decent thoughts surrounding what happened with ellen, OP, but good lord did you pick a terrible short to present them

cause hey, yeah. it turns out that you should be nice to people. EVEN IF YOU’RE A GAY ICON. i don’t think that’s an incorrect thing to worry about, and portraying people who do as “babies” reeks of what’s possibly the same insensitivity that got ellen here in the first place

i also don’t see why you think this is smart or funny, you’re going to bat for a tremendously powerful person on the basis of… comedians shouldn’t have to be nice? that doing one good thing for the world means you shouldn’t be subject to scrutiny about your actions going forward? he honestly makes terrible points and his humor is painting moral standards as immaturity, like, idk what you see in him

anyways, there are a lot of intelligent, interesting discussions we could have about ellen. we could talk about how maybe she was subject to higher standards or increased scrutiny because she’s a woman / gay / a gay woman. there’s a lot to look at with regard to the allegations surrounding her show. it speaks highly of her that she took responsibility for those things when they happened, and that none of them implicated her

but, i mean, she also helped a handful of celebrities clean up their image when maybe she shouldn’t have. there were a handful of things that showed, not that she’s necessarily a bad person, but she’s a rich person. hiring a non union crew for her show, getting buddy buddy with bush… like, i don’t want to go to bat for her. you can be kind to people without being friendly, and the company you keep says a lot about you

and again, she’s ungodly wealthy, and that has some known effects on the psyche. from someone who didn’t really have a horse in this race, that’s what it kind of seems like to me. she’s not really a bad person, but needs to be liked really desperately. maybe that came about after the money, not before, idk. but at the end of the day, idk if i can say you can be rich and be kind. even if you give a lot to charity. at some point, it just becomes unethical to have more than a certain amount of money

but no, we can’t have those discussions bc your “comedian” here made it all about how people criticizing ellen are babies for being concerned for being nice 🙄

sourcing mostly https://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/tv/features/ellen-degeneres-show-ending-allegations-b1846389.html, this seemed like a reasonably fair take on the situation

it’s good to have that additional context. it’s interesting to see how federation affects moderation and the issues that can present and how it aggravated the differences in moderation approaches

that said, even rescinding my argument about whether they were moderating, we’re still left with obvious ideological differences that would be bad to disastrous for the community in a place as active and ideologically unaligned as lemmy.world, nevermind the clear contempt that the mod team has shown for the community’s own preferences and safety

as an aside, thank you for the moderation work you do on this instance. while my interpretation that the c/196 mods were doing nothing was incorrect, it seems plain to me that your moderation style was still a good influence on the community (albeit at the cost of extra workload for you). it’s always good to see you around and i appreciate your presence and effort

i’m from beehaw and i support our decision to defederate from lemmy.world, and honestly, i agree with ada’s moderating decisions. i don’t come to 196 to deal with people “just asking questions” or getting transphobic trolls coming in and CERTAINLY not cis people whining about how they don’t get their good boy ally points

especially if the post about you leaving 196 reports to languish unattended to is accurate (it’s from another user on this post who i can’t see while on beehaw, i’m guessing they’re from a defederated instance. they quoted ada, but i couldn’t find her comment as a source, so i don’t know if it’s real)

if that’s real, we barely know what your moderation style is, and i’ve been giving you false credit for ada’s good moderation

please see the comments for ada’s clarification about the moderation workload (tldr is that the mods are not native to blahaj.zone, so reports might be addressed on other instances but not blahaj.zone, frequently leaving ada to deal with them, aggravating their differences in moderation styles)

so we have reason to doubt where your moderating priorities are, you disagree with noted Good Judgement Admin ada, and you unilaterally decided both to move and where to move the community without consulting anyone first

from my vantage, you couldn’t even protect us on world if you wanted to, and it really doesn’t seem like you want to, either

i think the actual respectful thing to do at this point is to just step down. y’all have disrupted this community enough. there are mods who are interested in, and understand the values of, this community. values that you don’t seem to share

let them take over and have things return to normal. make a /c/196 on world if you want, it sounds like there won’t be a lot of content to moderate anyways

you could try researching charities that help trans folks get surgeries. i think that would probably be the most direct method (even if they can only get you part of the way, you might be able to backfill the rest, either with the following methods, or with even a gofundme)

otherwise, advice for this is country specific, but i think US is a good guess, so i can at least speak to it. the main things i can thing off are, getting insurance that would cover it, either through your state’s health insurance marketplace or through changing jobs. the other thing is to look into taking out a personal loan and seeing if you can get that amount covered over some amount of time at a decent interest rate, for something you’ll actually be able to afford to pay back

i don’t know your situation, and it certainly sucks for us that a necessary surgery like this is uncovered and essentially the equivalent of the money you’d put into a cheap car. but it’s a very obtainable amount, so don’t give up. you’ll find a way to get it, one way or another

cw: targeted towards trans femmes :')