I’d be happy to write a bunch of sql for this type of thing and throw it on github if you have any more specific requests / if instance admins would find it helpful

Is this really a surprise? Do we expect the FBI to not use phones or computers?

When we use at&t’s phone lines or Microsoft’s operating system, we are implicitly relying on them to be secure. Same would go for using linux or a secure communication app running on top of it. I think most people would rather the FBI be spending time investigating crimes than developing software.