If it helps you at all, I thought the same thing. I’m in my early 40’s, scared to death of what might happen in this political climate, and went through some very rough times in the last few years. I finally said enough last month and told my spouse. They’re helping me find clothing and picking out nail polish and going with me to my clinic appointments. Find the right people to support you and you can do anything. You can even be yourself, and it’s never too late.
I will add to the other excellent comments here: there are no perfect times. Waiting for everything to align just so will prevent everything from ever happening. Pick a goal and start it. Now. It seems like you took the first step, so congratulations! I’m not bitter about it, but I am an example of what happens when you wait for perfect alignment. You may wake up one day and say “why did I let the last decade go by in a fog instead of taking action” and regret missing some of your best years living as the real you. Don’t wait for any conditions, just improve the ones you have as you go.
You’re the second person to recommend them, so I’ll definitely consider them if I can’t find a local provider. I was just hoping to find a practitioner who knew the area and would be able to also recommend places for other services I (or my spouse! They’re part of this journey, too) may need down the line.
Heh, I don’t sleep well. Too many worries and mental battles over dysphoria vs. being out. And I feel like I’m still stuck in that rift. The username felt appropriate, since Miranda is on my shortlist for possible names, too!
Alma
I hadn’t looked at that yet. Thank you for pointing it out!
Yes, sort of. In this area it’s Horizon. FEP seems to just be a branch of whatever the regional blue cross and/or blue shield is. I have been using their “Find a Doctor” tool to tell who’s in-network after finding people on the lists like pridecenter.org or outcare or WPATH, but so far nobody’s been covered.
insurance requires a letter from someone actively prescribing and monitoring the progress of HRT for 12 or more months consecutively to cover any of those services
That’s precisely why I wanted to find a doctor do to this with. I’ve already missed too much with the wrong outside.
I’m in NJ, but not the progressive part of it. I guess Philly would be my closest friendly place to find anyone, and I definitely hear you about the “going official” issues in the US right now. It’s one of the reasons I’m so frightened of telling the wrong people.
I don’t know if I like the idea of DIY. I believe that it works, but I also know that I’m clumsy and forgetful enough to do something wrong. I also really need to talk to a therapist because I will definitely want my letters for surgery someday.
Folkx or Galileo
This is the first I’ve seen of either of these, so thank you! I’ll have a look!
This is fantastic advice, and I’m glad to know I’m not alone. It’s honestly been quite difficult and frightening to try navigating this. I also feel like I was putting too much weight on my spouse to help me and that’s not fair to them.
I realize I have to tell my PCP eventually. My last one I’d have told in a heartbeat, but the good ones get promoted out of my area because the backwoods aren’t a priority. The new one is quite clinical and has his degree from a highly conservative/evangelical area and frankly scares me. I’ll be looking anyway, I guess.
My “local” communities are all a little over an hour from me, from what I can tell. I’ll try to find a way to get in touch with some of them in the meantime.
Thank you very much for sharing!
Thank you for the advice! I’m on a weirdly hepful but also restrictive FEP Blue program. They cover basically nobody around me. P.S. I like your username!
Of course there’s a github-awesome list for us. I definitely should have looked for that earlier!
Thank you for the info! I’ve been reading about the need for letters already, and definitely want to see a therapist. The one time I saw one locally for possibly? unrelated issues didn’t go so well (“you shouldn’t schedule further appointments with me”, what?). I’m actually in NJ, so I don’t know if I’ll be able to use your list, but hopefully others who run across this post can!
It’s natural to be afraid of change, but I can tell you from someone in her 40’s, it’s never too late. Your family will love you for who you are, and your identity is something that YOU know. Life gets better when you can be yourself. Don’t do what I did and wait a decade to do something about it. There are people everywhere just like us and we help each other. There are professionals who can help you, and this path has been blazed by many before us. Stay on it, find yourself, and life gets so much better from there. Congratulations, sister!