aguyinheat

honestly? yeah this

i appreciate you posting this, i like learning more about things and i’m glad i know better now than to just assume the brain is finished developing at 25

so i did a little more reading and the following points still seem clear:

• the brain continues developing into (at least) one’s thirties
• there’s no hard fall off point for maturity

so, instead of just looking at their age, we have to look at their age gap, and ask the question, is there a disproportionate imbalance of power here?

let’s take a moment to define this: the definition i use is roughly, does one person possess more of a handful of traits than the other? these traits are: life experience, career/financial experience, social experience, and general brain development (ability to assess risk reward, understand long term consequences, ability to communicate one’s needs effectively, etc; which is informed both by growth and experience)

obviously, we can’t make a generalized comparison that will be true for every 18 year old and every 26 year old in the world. however, we can understand that, in most circumstances, the 26 year old will have more of each of these attributes in spades than the 18 year old

reversing that argument also makes this very clear: for it to be acceptable, the 26 year old needs to have a comparable maturity and reasoning level to an 18 year old, someone nearly a decade younger than them. which is why i said it’s not something i would brag about, personally. either you’re saying you’re immature as an 18 year old, or you’re saying you’re comfortable, to some degree, of engaging in intimately dangerous behavior with someone who is significantly less experienced and developed than you are (or, i suppose, very rarely, you’ve hooked up with an 18 year old who is not only pretty mature, but who’s been living on their own and supporting themselves for a while. but you didn’t include that in the parameters of the question, so i don’t think that’s what you meant)

to be clear, i understand that the current economic situation has made attaining those life experiences quite difficult, even for people in their mid twenties. however, most people who cannot attain those life experiences, are also generally not hooking up with people, because there are a number of practical barriers to entry there (financial, location, transportation, etc); i don’t think it’s something to be ashamed of! but notably, in this situation, one would be bragging about something very much not worth bragging about, either (and i would hope they were still sensitive to the idea that there are still some differences between them, robbed of the opportunities to spread their wings as an adult, and an 18 year old, who has simply not been alive long enough to do so)

invalidating the question of whether a brain is completely mature at 25 doesn’t mean that an age gap becomes acceptable because “we can’t tell”, it just means we need to apply a more nuanced standard of scrutiny to the situation

which, maybe you agree with, but i wanted to make my position in light of this new evidence very clear

there’s nothing legally wrong with it, but it’s not something i would be happy to hear about from a friend or whatever, cause now i need to ask:

• how long/how well do they know them (longer and knowing them more is generally worse)
• were drugs or alcohol involved (bad, but maybe gives the 26 year old more wiggle room)
• are they going to continue seeing them (probably bad)
• are they aware that they hooked up with someone who’s brain isn’t fully formed

like, it can be done in an ethical way, but in practice, probably won’t be. legally, an 18 year old is an adult, but that does not mean they’re equal in all capacities to adults over 25

generally speaking, unless it was a very isolated hookup without follow up contact, i would pretty strongly recommend against it

that said, yeah, this post reeks of flexing about hooking up with an 18 year old LMAO which… personally, i would not brag about

i think there’s like… different levels of involuntary. like, literally, could not stop? or would significantly hamper / impede the orgasm if they were stopped?

does it not seem judgement to, when someone says something “was taxing”, to instead interpret that as “damaging”? like, that is a much more severe interpretation (with the possible additional implication that it’s permanent in a way)

especially in a sexual context and especially referring to women, implying someone was “damaged” by something carries a lot of implications

i’m amused by how judgemental this post comes off as in a nsfw sub. i think, much like you shouldn’t claim that something wasn’t damaging for someone else, you probably shouldn’t claim that it was, if they themselves didn’t state it as such. if i were more allosexual, i’d probably be into that, who doesn’t love a lot of fucking lots of people? (obviously some people don’t, but some people do!)

but i understand that you wanted to talk about this thought experiment and that was additional context for where the idea came from

ironically, i think i’d prefer a one night stand, or like, a date / one night stand (share a meal, do an activity and then fuck). i don’t want to get to know someone, bond with them for a YEAR… so they could fuck me once and dip. what the hell LOL that’s so much effort just to know you won’t have any kind of relationship at the end

but like, a time limited thing, let’s hang out for. a day and fuck at the end, then go back to our respective lives? that sounds pretty alright

so my answer to this is pretty layered bc i’m a trans guy and the sensation for both has changed since starting testosterone

pre-transition, i liked anal but it was a lot of trouble for the reward and vaginal was super easy / pleasurable all the time (i was lucky and can orgasm from vaginal penetration, it used to be how i preferred to get off)

post-transition, anal is still a ton of work to prep for (esp given i consistently have gut issues)… but it’s a WAY more pleasurable experience. i tend to re-discover it maybe twice a year. i’m not exactly sure what’s caused it to become so much more intense (seriously, i get super shaky and wobbly nowadays), maybe testosterone made the nerves grow there more? i dunno

but also, post transition, vaginal is a lot more difficult (dry / sensitive) and i have to work pretty hard on getting warm enough to enjoy myself. i really have to be in the mood and have a lot of time on my hands and… well, sometimes it’s hard to come by