I think this has been put in different words in different places before, but I’ve just realized how often I live this reality.

I go to work in the morning. I sit in my office chair with my keyboard with Cherry switches. Quiet, tactile. I stare at my two monitors for hours. Teams is on my laptop screen, reminding me of my corporate existence.

Terminal on monitor one with tmux. I keep opening new windows in the session because I lose track of which window was originally intended for which purpose. Vim is open at least five separate times. Some have one file, some have fifteen tabs with various files. Some have fifteen tabs open to the same file. “Where did that pane go with the long command I don’t want to type out again?” I have no idea. I type the command out again.

The computer will not do what I want it to do. I threaten the computer. The computer will still not do what I want it to do. I bargain with the computer. Load average is 16. This computer is an embedded system with four cores. That’s bad. I move the computer to a different port on the network switch. The load average is 0.75. That’s good. However, that makes no sense.

Firefox on the other monitor. Half of the thirty tabs are Stack Exchange. The other half are the community forum for the chip vendor for our embedded system. None of the tabs contain useful information.

I go home. I sit in my office chair with my keyboard with Cherry switches. These ones are clicky because my wife doesn’t have the heart to shank me over a loud keyboard. I stare at my two monitors for hours. No Teams.

I do the same thing. The details are different, but it’s just as painful. I’m upstairs, the computer I’m threatening is downstairs instead of in a nest of cables on my desk. I spend hours building a CUDA-based library, only to be told by the runtime that my drivers are too old. I need to tear out this runtime and install an older one. The computer cannot hear my threats due to the physical separation. Maybe I need to set a desk up in the basement.

I go to bed. Tomorrow, I will do the same thing.

edit: your concerns are appreciated, but I enjoy this cycle for reasons I do not comprehend. There is no spoon, there is no grass. There is only computer.

  • WbrJr@lemmy.ml
    2·
    1 day ago

    I can only recommens to get into hobbies like building dioramas, electorincs, music (there are daws like bitwig or ableton with free trials, its on the PC as well though), Start some sport, i like bouldering because you basically sit around all the time and then climb some routes and talk with friends. Or be creative with cooking! The only thing is to just start doing something new. Its always fun!

    To be honest there are 4 things that combine in a bad way. Sorry if that is too forward, I don’t know you and its just what I’ve read here. So dont take it the wrong way.

    • you seem to have very high expectations of yourself, which is great but you burn out quck that way. You seem to not want to give up and fail
    • you seem to be stuck in your day to day rhythm
    • you seem kind of burned out or depressed
    • you seem to have a lack of input, variation and aktually kind of life

    Try to break your day to day cycle and be kind to yourself :)