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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/Direct-Caterpillar77 on 2025-01-29 05:00:01+00:00.
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/grandeeur
I[43M] found a used condom in the bin that my wife[43F] and I have in our bedroom. We have not used a condom in the last decade and I have no idea what should I do now?
Original Post - rareddit March 26, 2018
So I was taking a nap yesterday in the bedroom when I heard my daughter quietly walking in and asking me if I can give her some money so she can go out with some friends of hers.
So I do that and on her way out, I still don’t know how she managed to do it, but she kicked the small bin that my wife and I have in the bedroom. We use it to mostly throw away small things that we are too lazy to get to the trash. I was rather annoyed at getting my sleep disturbed so I told my daughter to leave it and that I will pick it up. She walks out of the room and I carry on with my sleep.
I wake up a few hours later and I notice that the bin is kicked over and that some of its contents spilt out. I start cleaning up when I noticed something peculiar. In the pile of papers and napkins, I found a condom. A used condom. My wife and I don’t use condoms. I am pretty sure I’ve never used one ever since I had a vasectomy after our daughter was born.
So the question is, how did this one end up here? There is the obvious answer but I don’t know. I keep thinking of different scenarios but the thought that my wife may have been unfaithful is the first thing that pops into my head and it’s killing me. Maybe I am just paranoid and there is another explanation but I don’t know how to approach this with her. What should I do about this? How do I start this conversation? I could use some serious help over here.
tl;dr I found a used condom in the bin that my wife and I have in our bedroom. I have not used a condom in the last decade or so and I have no idea how to approach this matter with my wife.
RELEVANT COMMENTS
ApprehensivePickle2
Uh…how old is your daughter? Is it possible it’s hers?
OOP
She is 16 but I don’t know if she is sexually active. My wife and I talked with her about sex and how to stay safe so I guess it is possible. I just don’t know when she could have done it, you know. She mostly stays at home and focuses more on her school then … social stuff. She barely stays home alone and most of the times she has friends over, they are mostly other girls. I don’t know, maybe it’s hers but I have no idea why she’d throw it away in our bin and not the one where we usually throw the trash
~
Veiran
If you’re up for it, could you give us an update for the resolution?
On topic: As mentioned by some others, there’s two possibilities: either it’s from the activities of your wife or your daughter. Acquiring the truth is paramount here.
First, how is your marriage? Do you and your wife argue a lot? Are you intimate often (not necessarily sex)? Have you drifted apart at all?
Second, are there periods of time where you and/or your wife are away from the house? Are there extended times when your daughter can be alone at your house? Has she expressed interest in boys/men that you are aware of?
OOP
Part of the reason why I said that nothing makes sense is that because my wife and I have a good relationship. Nothing out of the ordinary. She is acting like her normal lovey dovey type when she is around me. We go on dates and do normal things a normal married couple would do. So it wouldn’t make sense for her to cheat.
Veiran
Then your wife is the first person you talk to. You’re partners, after all, and like others have suggested, don’t accuse her of anything. Pay attention to the way she speaks and her body language, if you can. If nothing seems off, then it comes down to approaching your daughter with your wife at your side.
The truth will come out eventually.
~
Commenter
You never mentioned how old your kids are. They could have used it and tried to dispose of it there instead of their trash. But… I mean… probably your wife is screwing someone in your bed.
OOP
I have three. Two boys and my daughter that I mentioned. My oldest is 25 but he is living abroad with his wife and barely comes home. The other is 22 and is away for college. And my daughter is 16. She lives at home and I can agree that maybe it is hers. I have no idea why she’d throw it my our bin … it just doesn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense since yesterday and I just don’t know what to do
Update - rareddit March 30, 2018
I posted earlier this week about my issue and I honestly had no idea it will blow up this much. Something like 500+ comments on it and 1.4k upvotes. So thanks for that. Also, I expect that not a lot of people that read this post would remember my previous one. I can’t update it properly since it says on the sidebar that you can’t update locked or removed posts so I have to post this as a separate submission. If you want to read some of the comments on the previous one, go to my account history and you can find it.
The best way I can describe what happened for those that are unfamiliar with the story is that I found a used condom in my bedroom trash can. My wife and I don’t use one ever since I had a vasectomy done like 10 years ago so it didn’t come from me. I will admit that the first thing that popped into my head was that infidelity was involved but like many of the people that commented on my previous post said, it could have also just as easily come from my 16-year old daughter.
That she is a teen and you know, they are notorious for doing some dumb shit. Like having sex in your parents’ bed and tossing the condom away in their trash can. It didn’t sound plausible at first, mainly because I guess I am not ready to see my little girl in this light, you know being sexually active and all that even though I expect her to be.
But after some time has passed and I had time to sit and think, it really would have made more sense for her to do something like this, than my wife. I spent the entire next day with my wife. I posted on Tuesday, so this is happening on Wednesday. I had a completely crappy day and my mood was pretty sour. And my wonderful wife picked up on that and she literally spent the entire day trying to cheer me up. She took me out for lunch at my favourite place even though she is not really a fan of this restaurant, we played tennis together even though she doesn’t like this sport. She even helped me out with a hobby of mine that I love and while she doesn’t partake in it, she never voiced any disapproval of it. In fact, she encourages it.
It’s those small things that she does that make me feel appreciated. They are a reminder to me that my wife really loves and cares about me. That day I realised how much of a fucking idiot I am for even thinking that she is capable of hurting me or our family. I felt like an asshole for even considering the idea. So I told her, I told her everything. I told her about the condom and how I found it. The mixture of shock and surprise in her eyes when I told her that I found a used condom in the trashcan were genuine and that was enough for me to know she had nothing to do with it.
So I told her that I am thinking that it came from Kara(our daughter). We were going back and forth when we heard our son coming into the room and saying “I am sorry”. I should point out that the son in question is my middle child. I have an older son that is 25, this one is 22 and my daughter is 16. My wife and I looked at Simon and asked him what he means. My son then went on to explain this story.
About a month ago, my son, his brother and his brother’s wife were at home while I was on a business trip and my wife and Kara were visiting her parents. So one evening, Simon, his brother and his SIL went out for dinner and after that decided to go to a club. My oldest son and his wife took off earlier than Simon and came back home while Simon stayed for a little longer.
He eventually came home but he wasn’t alone. He picked up a girl at the club and brought her home with him. My son explained that since the bed in his room is single and our guest bedroom was already occupied by his brother and SIL, he found the next best thing, our bedroom. He did the deed there and tossed the condom away in the trashcan. In the morning he changed the sheets but he forgot to empty the trashcan and the condom remained there.
I was really surprised at this and so was my wife. I honestly expected to have this conversation with my teenage daughter and not with my adult son. My wife said something similar to him, that we should expect something as stupid as this from his sister and not from him. But in the end, we hashed things out and I am glad we found the culprit.
So my post finishes here. I want to say thank you to everyone that commented and got involved in my previous post. Your words really did help me and I am very grateful for your help. You talked m…
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