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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/GhastlyGaster on 2025-01-29 20:56:00+00:00.
I am not The OOP, OOP is u/Any_Imagination_9768
Mood Spoiler:Sad
Trigger Warning: Infidelity, Abortion, Stroke
My (27m) wife (27f) cheated on me with my bestfriend (26m)
I don’t even know where to begin. I can’t describe how I’m feeling right now or how to process any of this. I made this account initially to see if anyone one else has gone through something remotely similar to this, and unfortunately, it’s not that uncommon. I apologize in advance for the length of this post. I just needed to get this all out cause I thought I’d go insane.
I met my wife (we’ll call her Sue) in college. We were both 18 at the time. We hit it off as soon as we went on our first date and were spewing I LOVE YOUs within weeks of us dating. She kinda pursued me, but I was glad as hell that she did. We shared our deepest insecurities and secrets with each other. And when her dad past away in her senior year of college, I was there for her through the whole ordeal. Her father had pancreatic cancer. And when he was hospitalized, I’d spend nights at the hospital with her so she wouldn’t be alone. We got through it. And that point in time strengthened our bond. She told me she didn’t know what she would have done if I hadn’t been there for her. She called me her soulmate. I knew I was going to marry this girl, and sure enough, I popped the question about two years after we graduated. At that point in time, life couldn’t get any better for me; I married the girl of my dreams, had a well paying job immediately after graduating, and both our families loved us.
My bestfriend, we’ll call him dav, and I had what I could only describe as an unbreakable brotherly bond, or so I thought. We had known each other since 3rd grade, and he was the brother I never had. He was also married, and moved away with his wife because she had landed a lucrative job at a big law firm. About a year ago, his wife died in a car crash, and this broke him. He moved back to our home town after, but he was never the same. I tried to be there for him, but he wouldn’t engage with anyone. No one understood the pain he was going through. So I asked my wife if she could talk to him, seeing as she had also lost a loved one and that maybe dav could relate better with someone who went through something similar ( yes, I know now that this was a huge mistake). We’d pay him visits daily. She would spend hours on end at his place even without me there. They were going on hikes together, watching movies and not inviting me, grabbing lunch, all things couples do. Now obviously this was FAR more interaction than I had intended for them to have and it did make me uncomfortable, but Dav was doing much better from it. It’s important to say that Dav and Sue never liked each other before all this happened. This is because Sue always thought he was a douche. Before he married his wife, Dave was bouncing from relationship to relationship, and even after he got with his deceased wife, he constantly cheated on her. As a result, Sue had a particular dislike for him and always questioned how I could be friends with someone with such low morals. This disdain for chris is also what made me oblivious to what was to come.
As I mentioned. Sue and Dav became inseparable, to the point where she would invite him to things I had planned for us as a couple. Moreover, she started portraying characteristics of what I now know to be classic cheater behavior: always on her phone, becoming increasingly distant, little to no intimacy, and coming home very late. At this point it was all too suspicious and one day she was texting and I asked who she was talking to. She said it was one of her girlfriends and when I asked to see what they were saying she became very irritated and called me possessive. When I talked to Dave about how uncomfortable their ‘friendship’ was making me, he assured me nothing was up and even accused me of not trusting him and my own wife. I was getting gaslit.
This continued until one day sue went out again. She said she was going to her sister’s for the weekend because she needed some space from me because I was driving her crazy with my accusations. I was still very suspicious and called her sister to confirm if she was indeed expecting sue to visit. She confirmed that she was but that Sue had not yet arrived. Mind you, she had left around 3pm and her sister’s place is about 4 hours away from where we live. It was now 10pm. Something in the back of my head told me to go to my friend’s house so I did. Sure enough, my wife’s car is parked a couple of feet away from my friend’s house. At this point it was clear as day as to what was going on, and I hate to admit it but I cried. HARD. After a few minutes I decided to go in and see if this is really what was happening. I went in through the back door which I knew would be open. I quietly made my way in and I could hear my wife moaning. I was shaking. When I made it to the door of his bedroom I could see through the creak. My wife, bent over on his night stand. I’ll never get that image out of my head. I’m literally crying as I’m writing this down. I pushed the door wide open and they both froze, staring at me. It took every ounce of my being not to beat the living hell out of Dav. I just walked away and got into my car. I could hear them scrambling and my wife started screaming at me to stop and that she can explain. I didn’t wanna look at her. I don’t know what I would have done so I just drove away. I cried the entire drive home and they were both spamming me with calls. I went to one of my college friend’s and have been here the past week or so.
I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, and I can’ think of anything else. I informed my work of what was going on and they were kind enough to give me time off. I’ve been getting phone calls from both Dav and Sue, as well as both our families. I let my family know I was alright and would be back soon, but I haven’t responded to anyone else ever since. This hurts. So bad. I wanna die. I want to be gone from this world but I’m too much of a coward to do it myself. I’m trying to be strong but my resolve is wavering How can someone you loved so selflessly do this? I don’t know what to do. How do I deal with this? Please help me!
TLDR; My wife cheated on me with my best friend and I don’t know what to do. Help me.
UPDATE (r/relationship_advice)
(UPDATE) My (27m) wife (27f) cheated on me with my best friend (26m)
First off, I wanted to thank you all for your support and words of advice. You all made this time in my life somewhat bearable. Some of you shared your own stories and made me realize that this is something I can come back from. I had many thoughts about *self-deletion*, but I think I’m past that now. Thank you so much for caring!
Many of you were asking me for an update so here it is;
I don’t know what to make of that. There are many more of those kinds of emails but I wanted to share that one because it left me confused. I definitely don’t know the person I married. What do you guys make of it?
As many of you guys suggested, as well as family and friends, I contacted a lawyer and met up with her yesterday. I gave her all the details and she seems to be very motivated to help me come out of this as financially whole as possible, given the circumstances. I still love my wife dearly, but I don’t know if this is something I can get over. I received lots of messages from Dav too, but I don’t want to read them. I often switch from sorrow to rage and don’t know how to feel right now.
Should I try to see if reconciliation is possible or should I just end this marriage now and save myself more heartbreak? My family knows everything. Apparently Sue confessed what she had done to everyone. I’ve been away from everyone for more than two weeks now and I still don’t know what to do. The pain still feels fresh. Everytime I close my eyes I can see nothing else but Sue and Dave together, and the pain doesn’t seem to be lessening.
I know most of you are saying to just divorce, and I would say the same thing too, but things aren’t that black and white when you are the one in this situation. Given all this new info, I’d appreciate any advice, particularly from people who’ve been here. Betrayed spouses and waywards, how did you manage to move past this? Is it even possible? Right now I’m almost certainly going to move on with the divorce but I just need reassurance I’m making the right decision.
I’ve read all your comments and felt I needed to add this. I was told by her as well as family and friends that she has been living with her Sister the past few weeks. In one of her emails she explained that she has only spoken to Dav once since I found out and went full NC with him. Her mother called me and apologized for her daughter’s behavior via text. I didn’t pick up her calls. She said Sue is in individual counselling at the moment.
In another one of her emails she said she was never going to leave me for Dav. She has feelings for him, but she doesn’t love him. huh? Dave is supposedly leaving soon, but is apparently holding it off until he speaks to me face to face.
There’s a lot of other stuff…
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