I don’t fit very well with the idea of masculinity. I’m just a goofy nerd with a gentle personality and the desire to make others happy. I have always wanted to look soft and approachable; I have smooth, rounded facial features, wavy hair, big glasses, and a clean-shaven face. My personality is utterly non-threatening. I love caring for people, I enjoy being silly and whimsical, I’m a bit clumsy and get flustered easily, I wouldn’t hurt a fly (unless I had to), and I’m polite to a fault. My paradise is a warm, cozy, quiet safe haven surrounded by cute plushies.

I’m not manly in the slightest, and I love being that way. I’m a total softie through and through, and I purposely align my appearance with my personality. I look gentle because I am gentle.

I have always been treated differently than my male peers. Many people are inexplicably nicer or softer on me even if they barely know me. Female friends have fawned over me, calling me things like “cute,” “adorable,” and “sweetheart,” and expressing a desire to protect me. And I love it. I don’t find it offensive or infantilizing at all.

Through extensive introspection, I later figured out that care and nurturing are incredibly attractive to me, and the funny tickle I felt whenever I was shown care and protection by my female friends was actually a subtle tinge of attraction. It’s rather curious that my personality and gender expression just happened to develop in such a way to subconsciously solicit that kind of attention.

This is all well and good, but I worry that this makes me categorically unsexy due to my intentional suppression of gendered characteristics and desire to give off pure, wholesome vibes. Could I really be sexually desirable if I’m the kind of person who apologizes to trees for bumping into them? Some women have even teasingly called me a “Christian” or “virgin” because of this perceived innocence, suggesting that some people do indeed associate my personality with sexual restraint or abstinence.

In reality, I absolutely do want a sexual relationship, and I have always imagined myself treating a partner with the same gentle caregiving energy that I myself crave. I don’t do “naughty” or “dominant”; I would view a partner’s body as something to passionately take care of, not something to tease or conquer.

I would appreciate some outside perspective on this. Thanks!

  • thatradomguy@lemmy.world
    0·
    22 hours ago

    I didn’t have the guts to post when I first read this, but as someone who like Hello Kitty, Power Puff Girls, Totally Spies, and many other cute things, it feels pretty damn good knowing I’m not alone. Your post is very relatable to me. Society paints this weird picture, I think—but damn, so what if I think it would be nice if a girl wanted to give ME flowers? I like flowers!

    Fuck society, @sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world ! Let’s live our way!

    Thanks for making my week. 🙂

    • sprigatito_bread@lemmy.worldOP
      0·
      16 hours ago

      Hell yeah, friend! My cute shows were Pokemon, MLP FiM, and Hamtaro! And I imagine myself getting all blushy and giggly if a girl kissed me. This whole stoicism thing is overrated; I want to be turned into a blubbering mess!

      When people like us are brave enough to express themselves out in the open, that is how change happens. It is through our influence that we normalize and validate the existence of like-minded people and inspire them to stand up alongside us. By virtue of simply existing and interacting with others, we nudge society ever so slightly in the direction of acceptance.

      The tenderness in your soul is something incredibly precious. It is the power to heal, the power to bring joy, and the power to create harmony. It is the power to touch hearts and change lives. Don’t ever let anyone ever convince you that it’s a weakness. It is the most valuable treasure one can ever possess.

      I’m honored to have given you a little bit of the validation that you deserve. Differences are what make us interesting and memorable to others, and intolerant people don’t deserve the time of day. Once I stopped self-censoring to appease them, I was able to connect with so many more people. The benefits far outweighed the risks. I hope that you someday find the courage to express yourself in front of others too, if you haven’t already.