I’m 30 years old (soon to be 31). I’m a new trans woman (still working through how I might accept it and see myself). I’m unsure how far I should go. I’ve spoken at some length on other communities about what it feels like to be “ugly and masc”. I realize feeling like I can’t “pass” as a fem is partly due to deeply rooted transphobia. I have what most older men have: masculine distribution of fat (bit of a belly), hairy everywhere, fears of balding (so far not yet), deepish voice, etc.
If I had no friends or family, I’d probably just go all in: hormone therapies, voice training, surgeries, etc. But I feel like I need to pass in front of my immediate family since I’m sure I wouldn’t be accepted. I love them, but they wouldn’t get it.
I don’t know how far I should go with transitioning. I am currently considering growing out my hair, shaving, and trying to do exercises that conform my body to a more stereotypical feminine shape. Is there a lot of risk in hormone therapies and voice training? Is it hard to go “boy mode” after the fact? What about being 30+ years old and starting it? Should I just accept I’ll never pass?
Were we separated at birth? I swear I have the exact same experience as you. The slight difference for me might be that instead of nightmares, I just literally haven’t dreamt AT ALL since puberty. And then had a real dream once I was on estrogen. I am hoping things get better from here. Nothing much happening in the first month (besides my spouse telling me I don’t smell like a man anymore) but I am hoping it turns out well. Your accounts are both mirrors of my own life and very affirming that I have made the right decisions. Thank you for sharing!