I mean, bonus points for dignity, but she was drunk and could not really consent iirc.

I was also drunk, we were at a bar. She moved towards me to make out. People make out and fuck drunk and/or high all the time.

general self loathing

Honestly I don’t know you that well, but I relate to the self loathing, but on a “social fuck up” sort of way.

That said, chances are you put society on a pedestal. The average person is either astoundingly stupid or a sociopathic/narcissistic piece of shit and as a result society is unfair and dysfunctional. As a result, you shouldn’t be hard on yourself. In fact, that you are as hard on yourself as you seem, you are probably better than the average person by a notch or two.