To be fair “non-harassing way” is a bit subjective. I’ve seen dudes have success with methods that I would consider “harassing”. I’ve also seen guys condemned as creeps for approaching women at what I’d consider a reasonable time & place.
And the loudest most unreasonable people on both sides dominate the narrative online, which makes the whole topic seem more fraught to young guys than it really is in real life.
The truth is one person’s “playful teasing” is another person’s “harassment”. You have to develop your sense of empathy and feel it out on a case by case basis. Pretending this black and white doesn’t help anybody.
It makes it a lot easier though. When I’m in good shape and my hair is looking decent, it’s pretty easy to chat up girls at bars and parties. Plus 10lbs, it gets significantly harder. Add an unfortunate fuckass haircut, not a good time.
Reality can be cruel. Of course this goes the other way too, and it is far, far from a rule. Personality can make up for a lot. But when you’re trying to talk to someone you don’t know, looks are the first thing being judged.
“Be hot” is subjective, and a lower bar than most people think it is. Taking care of yourself and making an effort to dress nice goes a long way. Personality also plays into it quite a bit. I got a lot more success when I started making an effort to maintain a positive attitude when I was out socializing and I’m someone the incels would tell you has absolutely no chance.
To be fair “non-harassing way” is a bit subjective. I’ve seen dudes have success with methods that I would consider “harassing”. I’ve also seen guys condemned as creeps for approaching women at what I’d consider a reasonable time & place.
Yep; and this is a big problem of mine. As I’m quite pessimistic my default assumption is that a simple greeting is likely to result in a negative reaction.
A similar problem is approaching individuals / groups (for whatever reason) in general: are they free to talk to or is that a closed group who would feel bothered? Hard to see from the outside.
You have to develop your sense of empathy and feel it out on a case by case basis. Pretending this black and white doesn’t help anybody.
I agree. And as long as a no is respected promptly, no harm should be done by trying. But tell this my anxiety…
no joke but the only thing that works is to know exactly what is and isn’t allowed, and i don’t mean on a vibes-based basis but on a legal basis, and then either accept the legal framework and optimize within it or reject it and become a social outcast (incel / radical).
To be fair “non-harassing way” is a bit subjective. I’ve seen dudes have success with methods that I would consider “harassing”. I’ve also seen guys condemned as creeps for approaching women at what I’d consider a reasonable time & place.
And the loudest most unreasonable people on both sides dominate the narrative online, which makes the whole topic seem more fraught to young guys than it really is in real life.
The truth is one person’s “playful teasing” is another person’s “harassment”. You have to develop your sense of empathy and feel it out on a case by case basis. Pretending this black and white doesn’t help anybody.
Remember, when trying to start a conversation with a woman, follow rules 1 and 2:
:(
Ngl that taught process is part of the online incel culture. I have a lot friends who are women that don’t even think about it.
It makes it a lot easier though. When I’m in good shape and my hair is looking decent, it’s pretty easy to chat up girls at bars and parties. Plus 10lbs, it gets significantly harder. Add an unfortunate fuckass haircut, not a good time.
Reality can be cruel. Of course this goes the other way too, and it is far, far from a rule. Personality can make up for a lot. But when you’re trying to talk to someone you don’t know, looks are the first thing being judged.
“Be hot” is subjective, and a lower bar than most people think it is. Taking care of yourself and making an effort to dress nice goes a long way. Personality also plays into it quite a bit. I got a lot more success when I started making an effort to maintain a positive attitude when I was out socializing and I’m someone the incels would tell you has absolutely no chance.
Yep; and this is a big problem of mine. As I’m quite pessimistic my default assumption is that a simple greeting is likely to result in a negative reaction. A similar problem is approaching individuals / groups (for whatever reason) in general: are they free to talk to or is that a closed group who would feel bothered? Hard to see from the outside.
I agree. And as long as a no is respected promptly, no harm should be done by trying. But tell this my anxiety…
Yeah I just don’t talk to women out of fear of being sued
no joke but the only thing that works is to know exactly what is and isn’t allowed, and i don’t mean on a vibes-based basis but on a legal basis, and then either accept the legal framework and optimize within it or reject it and become a social outcast (incel / radical).