God damn. I bit the onion on this one. I was reading the article, like “what? Seriously? THIS is happening? Ugh, the world is so weird right now…oh, it’s The Onion. Ok. Ok, I feel a LITTLE better now.”

It’s been 5 days. OP tried the ice cream. OP is now dead.

Gotta own those libs, man! /s

I knew it had to be the onion, because when would conservatives ever have a sense of self awareness, and introspectiveness?

Here’s the secret. He doesn’t believe any of his own words. He just wants YOU to be dumb enough to believe them so he can hold power.

Download where?

It’s actually a video…which even though theres a 5 year old talking, there’s no audio.

Hellllooooooooooo!!!

…I have absolutely no idea what thought process this gif is trying to convey.

G-I JOOOEEEERRR

He gets out, kills Yoko Ono, gets put BACK in prison, and says “YOU’RE WELCOME!”

Like…as a fetish, or do you want to date your maid so you don’t have to pay?

Why would he need to ask his sister for his own wifes number?

If you get married in the game, you get married for real. Everyone knows that.

She’s hacked your home security system, and replaced your alarm with “never gonna give you up.mp3”

I ate the onion.

…what? Do…do you not see the massive lake we have?

Why wouldn’t you be allowed to walk around naked?

Well now someone needs to make a linux distro called “Spring Fresh” and never explain the orgin.

Or you could add “Melania” and “Don Jr” to your filter.

I didn’t bite the onion, but I did cackle.