Earlier that summer my father had made me clean a deer that had been shot in the gut and he did some hollywood style child abuse when I barfed about it, so I was pretty numb to the gore. What really bothered me was some of the dialog. I shudder 30 years later when I think about the line, “where we’re going we don’t need eyes to see.”

My stepdad was horrified he’d taken his stepdaughter to see something so graphic and made me and my friends promise not to tell anyone what we saw and to downplay the gore.

I saw Event Horizon on my 13th birthday in theaters with some of my friends.

They can and will ignore it.

His fortune is built on seed money from apartheid south africa. How is it news he has a nazi fetish?

The world has changed significantly since you were your kiddo’s age, but it sounds like you might be stuck thinking you can regain the things you’ve lost. Time only goes one way and you have to find new ways to live and express yourself.

Look for parts of your life where you are just killing time. Browsing social media, watching a streaming service, playing video games, etc, and see if you can do less of that. Look at what things you buy and see if you can buy less, used, or local to free up some budget for pursuing other interests. And if you feel tired all the time, get some exercise, it really does help with fatigue over time.

Both your partner and kiddo can also help, they would prefer a happy, authentic husband/dad and probably would support you if you asked them for specific assistance.

Ultimately you have to make it a priority or nothing will change.