right! the math is crazy rigorous and i wouldn’t expect just any random admin to be able to do all that, but it’s certaintly something to aspire towards

Cherry picking is an accusation of bad faith arguing, and people will interpret it that way regardless of your intent.

yup. thank you.

now this is how you do a rule change!

• community poll
• exception for the huge perceived benefit of allowing screenshots
• workarounds and tools for when needed
• overall very well written and communicated

others (ahem) should follow the example you provided here!

Off topic drama farming. Nobody asked.

it’s not decentralized enough is exactly the answer. lemmy.world holds a huge portion of users and communities despite having middling at best moderation. illustrating this, one of my favorite communities (196) just recently tried to force everyone to migrate to .world. fortunately, the community at large openly rejected that absurd move, but it definitely exemplified the centralizing forces at play.

Hey, starting over here:
You’re welcome in my corner, homie! I want to approach this with good faith, but I need to address some things because your earlier approach made me deeply uncomfortable. I hope we can work toward mutual understanding, but I also need to set a few boundaries going forward:

1. Please don’t call someone sharing personal experiences “cherry picking.” I’m sharing my stories of sexual and gender-based harassment, which are deeply personal and reflect my lived reality. Using that term minimizes the seriousness of these experiences. Even if you didn’t mean it that way, it’s a loaded phrase—so let’s leave it behind.
2. Respect someone’s boundaries when it comes to DMs. Messaging me directly after I’ve logged off or expressed discomfort felt invasive. Going forward, please keep the conversation to where it started unless I explicitly invite a DM.
3. Avoid labeling someone as “lacking in empathy” because they’re uncomfortable engaging. It’s fine to feel hurt or frustrated, but projecting that onto me was unfair and added to my discomfort.

I’m doing my best to approach this with a blank slate and give you the benefit of the doubt. I don’t hold any ill will toward you, but I need these boundaries respected for us to move forward. If they’re crossed again, I’ll have to block and report. I hope it doesn’t come to that.

come up with new drama dude this is so tired

it definitely depends where you go on all platforms. blahaj zone is good, world is bad. places moderated by mods with actual experience are generally good, places moderated by jordanlund and similar get pretty toxic pretty fast. :(

dont worry im not alone i have plenty of people in my corner who dont spam me with weird begging behavior when i stop interacting with them

to be clear you seem nice you are just being offputting and weird doing this negging behavior- if this was a real life relationship i would cut ties with you immediately. please chill tf out.

i just don’t want to bud. you ruined all the good i could have gotten from this conversation before it even started.

just giving context to their claim. in the end it’s up to mods how they want to handle this, i could see it going either way.

AI generated content is against the community rules see the sidebar :)

This situation seems to have spiraled a bit—I logged off for a few hours and came back to a bunch of DMs from you.

I want to make it clear that I don’t have any hard feelings toward you. However, this conversation has reached a point where it’s no longer productive.

You wouldn’t go to the comments of a person of color as they share their experiences and feelings about racism and say, “I only ever see cherry-picked examples like you have here.” But that’s essentially what you said to me about gender-based abuse. That kind of comment is: a) dismissive and encourages others to doubt the stories of victims, and b) a conversation-ender.

What you communicated to me is that my lived experience isn’t enough for you. As someone with a normal life and not a researcher, I have no way to provide the additional “data” you seem to require.

Yeah okay thanks i guess it just comes off really not nice for you to say that.

if you posted a list of the worst incidents in your experience of abuse, i truly doubt you would love my response to be calling you a cherry picker. even if you don’t mean it, it looks like siding with the abuser. it’s NOT cherry picking to tell my literal own damn story of what i deal with. if you truly mean differently, maybe choose different words

and the number of upvotes 🤮 there is so much work to do and so many awful people out there

these aren’t cherry picked? these are quite normal—that’s why i started collecting them because they were so easy to find.

i respect your expression of experience of not having been on the receiving end of this that much—i will thank you to respect mine!

relevant discussions:

• !lemmyshitpost@lemmy.world true colors: https://lemmy.cafe/post/10574267
• incredible find: https://lemmy.cafe/post/10217719
• epic ratio: https://lemmy.cafe/post/9597634
• lemmy is a worse platform for women than reddit was: https://lemmy.cafe/post/4821164

this issue of such a massive proportion can only be solved with intention—it’s not getting fixed by accident. recognizing the problem is the first step.

BTFJ for short

See this and the preceding comment chain with the mod, this pretty much outlines exactly what you are curious about. https://lemmy.cafe/comment/9422323 (Sorry I don’t mean to be dismissive but I am doing my best to be helpful while not over investing time.)

that key word there—policy—is so important and not to be ignored