You forgot to post on kidsarefuckingstupid

they want to explore everything. we let them explore the appropriate things, and then, there is nothing left to explore expect inappropriate things.

Do not, under any circumstances, break the banana.

A friend’s son cried because his father didn’t let him taste something spicy. Some seconds later he cried because he now knew what spicy meant. It wasn’t “hot ones”-hot and the milk was ready.

I do benefit from reading these accounts. Helps ground me. My kid sometimes makes me feel like he’s completely unglued, an assiduous non-participant in consensus reality. “Mayonnaise is spicy,” or he will calmly inform me that “my favourite green thing is nobody because nobody is green”. Doesn’t remember anything about anything, totally time blind, filled with chaotic impulses that leave him perennially scraped and bruised.

And yet on the sliding scale of kids in general, he’s basically lucid.

Best one is not knowing in advance which of the five identical bowls is “his” one.

Let them eat dog food

I turned on the “wrong water” in the shower. (?)

Why not? Dog food is edible for humans but doesn’t taste good. Lesson learned?

Mine asked for something but was soo convinced I would say no that they just assumed that was what my response was…

I put too much ketchup on their plate.

Oh if you haven’t had the pleasure yet, wait until you get the meltdown to end all meltdowns when you make their lunch wrong (I.e., you used the wrong knife or some shit). 🤣

Jokes aside (I’m not really joking), you’re doing great! You should get into the habit of never apologizing for keeping your kid alive. In fact, the more they object, the more you’re succeeding.

(Frankly I’m amazed we’ve survived as a species for so long.)

My parents tried to stop me from eating dog food, but I figured out that they couldn’t stop me if I grabbed some when they weren’t watching. It has a very… distinctive flavor that I still remember 40 years later.

Just a little

I suggested she go potty before bedtime.