I am looking for a few good people to bond with

I am surrounded by family members who keep hurting me. I need to make friends. But either I was not good at it or I avoided it as an urge.

If I had bonds with some normal people, that might give me more strength.

I have some acquaintances but I don’t know how to turn them into bonds because they were like hobby friends and we are not in the same location.

I’d prefer if you are mentally healthy because my family is crazy already

  • mez@lemmy.worldOPEnglish
    0·
    12 days ago

    Well first no one is mentally healthy

    That’s not true

    the first friend you have to make is with yourself

    Good reminder, ty, tho I cannot talk to myself since I am myself.

    How do you measure qualify of this friendship? Any ideas? I can try to improve that

    You have to move from an external Locus of control to an internal Locus of control. Be your own parent/mentor.

    or just practice social interaction

    Why do you mention that? Because of my writing style (english isn’t my first language), I sound like a kid?

    I’ve done a lot of stuff by myself that surprised psychologists I talked to. Rn I probably just need to feel like I have social bonds with good humans who are good to me

    • lordnikon@lemmy.worldEnglish
      0·
      12 days ago

      So first I changed my wording from healthy to normal to match your words.

      Second you can talk to yourself there is a thing called Internal Family Systems Model (IFS) if you some kind of framework but really it cones down to treating yourself like your own friend. Like as goofy as it sounds take yourself out to dinner. Buy yourself gifts and by the parent comment i didn’t imply you were a child but you sad you don’t have the greatest home life and i made the assumption you might not have had the greatest childhood and if that’s not the case great. But you are never too old to be a role model / parent to yourself. I have talk to people in their 40s that had to become friends with themselves.

      Your writing style had nothing to do with it. English is my first language and I’m very bad at it. So you got me beat.

      Just keep in mind that no external person can help fix something about yourself. You fix yourself and the friends are just a bonus and can offer support but you got to do the work.

      I mean I’m just some guy on the internet take what I say however you want but if you want to talk i would be happy to talk to you.