Recently, our daughter (17 in June) told my wife and me that she has started dating not 1, but 2 guys. No introductions needed since we already know them; they’ve been close friends of hers for quite some time now. Daughter put it as: why do I have to choose if I like them both and they don’t mind sharing?
I just don’t like it.
I don’t have kids, so I don’t really have a dog in this fight. I think it’s reasonable to feel weird about someone doing something you’re not used to. So long as they’re happy, nobody is getting hurt, and nobody is a jerk about it, everything should be fine. Like, if both guys know about one another then cool, if she’s two-timing both then maybe a discussion needs to be had.
Bit of a tangent: It’s weird to me how against things like polyamory or swinging North American society seems to be. I’ve seen people talk about cheating with less confusion and apprehension. Is it so alien that more than two people can consensually enjoy each other’s company? Archie comics have been a staple here for years, and those crazy kids are deffo in a proto-polycule.
Its not that weird considering the puritanical background and christian fascism thats infected everything.
Being worried about such a set up, especially with teenagers, who are emotionally and physically underdeveloped, where things going wrong can have life long consequences (STDs, unwanted pregnancy, trauma from emotional/physical/sexual abuse), it is perfectly reasonable to be worried, without it having anything to do with puritanism or christian fascism. These consequences are already possible with a monogamous relationship and get more likely with poly relationships.
It should be the parental instinct to be worried about their teenagers getting romantically active and to watch out for their children, without directly preventing them from doing thing or forcing them into hiding. It is only logical that this instinct gets more worried if not one but two, or even more people that could be a threat to their child are involved.
You’re arguing a point I didn’t make. I intentionally called out why it felt ‘weird’, ie strange, or unnatural.
You also claim that poly relationships have more instances of pregnancy, trauma, etc. Can you cite that data or studies to support that?
Things feel weird, strange or unnatural because they go against instinctive feelings.
As for why they are more likely to go wrong it is quite simple. Two teenagers are more trouble than one teenager. Especially if they are in competition with each other. Jealousy is a key driver for violence and young men are the demographic generally most violent. These are things that you know subconsciously, as you have most likely experienced them yourself. As for negative experience with men and in particular men seeking sexual contact i think every women will be able to confirm danger and or having experienced abuse themselves. Now you have two rabbit-horny high on testosterone teenagers that have to “share” one teenage girl. This should cause an instinctive negative reaction by every parent.
As for studies which analyzed the situation where one men has multiple women concluded that these relationships negatively affect the women and their children psychologically.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8667458/
Now this of course is different compared to a situation where one women has multiple men. A situation which seems to be much less prevalent and i couldnt find studies on quickly. As to why they are much less prevalent, this gives reason for even more worry. There is reason to believe them to be less stable and likely end up with violence, where women on average a physically much less stronger than men.