The answer is patriarchy and if you think this is her trashing him instead society pressuring her, then check your privilege.
You used the bad p words: patriarchy and privilege. How dare you?!
Correct. Sadly, conversations about gender inequality is beyond the grasp of most on Lemmy.
regardless of sex, anyone making this claim is clearly broken inside. kinda sad.
Right? I feel like this is so obviously not about sex & my life is a clear example to that.
For context, I’m a trans woman who works in tech.
Five and a half years ago I was miserable as hell from relying on external validation. I’d never been happy with my birth sex, but I’d stuck it out for years, duct-taping my happiness together with academic or career achievements, working myself to the bone just to achieve some degree of stability at the cost of my mental health, relationships, happiness, sex life, etc.
For all intents and purposes, I was treated by society as male during that era of my life… albeit of the gay sort of feminine and very depressed variety. I also had a laundry list of accomplishments each year and could not fathom being happy with myself unless I collected them all like pokemon.
Sex changes are like the world’s most opposite thing to external validation. I went from being a white cis male to… well look at what society thinks of trans women. There have been many many times in the past half-decade in which I felt like I’d jumped off a cliff, that I might lose my career, that I’d struggle harder to get ahead, that I wouldn’t be taken seriously anymore.
And some of that was true—I definitely deal with misogyny and transphobia now in a way I never would’ve before. I do feel I have to perform 2x better than before in order to achieve the same sorts of recognition… and I have to now for some reason look good doing it (whereas before I could basically ignore my body, wallow in dysphoria/depression, and still be given credit).
But… what have I done career-wise during the past 5 years? I’ve flatlined. Honestly? I “met expectations” for a half-decade straight. No awards, no accolades, just “did that thing and went home.” I was too busy both emotionally and practically with a whole freaking sex change outside of work. And nobody has come to eat me, even though at this phase of my life most coworkers don’t even know I was once male. Heck, if anything, I look at a lot of my cis female peers and they’re having kids which (unfortunately/unfairly) amounts to practically the same thing.
Before my sex change this would have been unthinkable to me. My entire happiness and sense of identity was pinned to my career. And that was was literally THE duct tape on the joke that was my life. The thing I only way I could manage to keep myself male. Literally the biggest lesson career-wise that my sex change has taught me is that it’s okay to have eras in your life where your career just vibes for a bit while you short your shit out.
So… I just don’t think this is a male vs. female thing. It’s a running away from oneself and trying to cope with your misery via external validation thing. It IS true that when you’re read as female you DO have to push ahead. Chances are, similar to how I felt I had to alienate myself for my career in order to get to a place where I could afford a sex change, this woman felt she had to do the same in order to establish herself as a woman in tech. The barrier to entry is higher.
But once you’re there and established it’s like, girl you can chill now, it’s gonna be fine if you’re fine, maybe with a bit more stability and a bit less pay.
This is satire… I hope…
Every thing she lists is fluff.
If you are an employed professional you are spending your year doing your job. Not going back to school to pick up a certificate for fun or finding a documentary to be in (what even is this?)
I imagine the husband biting through his cheek during this grilling thinking “yea I’m busy fucking doing things.”
If the husband even exists
If he does he might be wishing he didn’t.
Naw, you should see his post hawking relationship counseling
These are the people who are annoying and useless as shit in IT. Most coworkers I’ve had who are constantly getting certifications or attending conferences contribute very little in the way of work or knowledge. The information required to get those certifications goes in one ear and out the other for them. People like that are more interested in clout than anything.
Not to say anyone taking training or certifications is like this, but there is a specific type obsessed with these “markers” that spend the majority of their time chasing certifications and things of that nature.
On the flip side, I have a beast of a coworker who says she doesn’t do anything tech related outside of work to decompress and she’s easily one of our most productive and likable coworkers.
Every thing she lists is fluff.
You’re absolutely right. What was the clear cut career accomplishment? What did she contribute? This is a lot of words that don’t seem to include any of those accomplishments while shitting on someone who seems to have a rich and fulfilling life when he’s not listening to this “everybody clapped” story.
… is this not supposed to be self introspection about how her implied women (anyone really) feel like they need to work harder or have clear tangible adult gold stickers to not hate themselves?
This feels like a stretch for a sub that’s supposed to try to blast crazy people.
Yeah, but publically sharing her husband’s “lack of accomplishments” is a tone deaf way of making her point. Some things are better saved for your therapist…
If you read the whole thing your realize that it’s herself she’s criticizing and she’s implying that her husband has a healthier relationship with outside validation than her.
I made my comment having read and understood the whole thing. Several things can be true at the same time: she put her husband on blast, she’s transparent about having an issue, and finally, she’s relegating her LinkedIn connections to a therapist role. This is not hard to understand.
Shaming? Sounds like stretch. Her shaming is implied only through you.
…implied only through me? Does your Lemmy client not have upvotes visible for this post? lol
An appeal through updoots lmfao.
Haha le epic reddit cringo 💯
Edit: Cringe snark aside: your reddit-esque approach to calling out a fallacy and thinking it is the end-all be-all of an argument is pathetic.
You mentioned “implied only by you”. Again, this post (and it’s “updoots”) would not exist if other people did not share that position. Think for about 5 seconds, why would someone upvote this post if they didn’t agree with it?
Your original comment is a response to others sharing that position. It would not exist otherwise. If you somehow don’t understand that in the 7 or so days that this post has been up, you will likely never understand it.
Either way, I have no interest in talking to you so just get blocked.
That’s how I read it too. She specifically wonders why she can’t be content without those things.
Exactly. This thread seems to be giant whoosh.
She might’ve intentionally written it with a “had us in the first half” hook, but she’s clearly not putting him on blast and is instead asking why she can’t be more like him (my hot take from reading this one post: it’s a mix of her own personality and feeling the need to have accomplishments to combat both imposter syndrome from changing careers and the misogyny exemplified in so many of these comments). Reading comprehension is lacking for a lot of commenters on this post.
Certifications are bullshit pieces of paper anyways, your experience is what matters. Anybody can cram study for a certification and not really know shit about it
I have a Linux+ cert, my “study” involved skimming the book once and then waiting for test day. I have a Cloud cert, same thing (I can’t even remember which one lmao)
I took the ISC2 CC cert last year for the sole purpose being it renewed Linux+, I didn’t study at all, I didn’t even think about it after registration until test day and passed it easily lmao
“Exchange” implies that information flowed in both directions in a transactional manner. Never before heard the term used to describe “one-sided, manic, belittling, self-aggrandizing, tone-deaf tirade.” Live and learn, I guess.
When did people star this whole CEO cosplay shit?
One day I woke up and every is now CEO girlboss power ranger who sleeps 2 hours per day while working 28 hours per day building greatness for the litttle people.
Nobody ever went to their deathbed wishing for more certifications.
Well, my grandpa sure wished he’d got his swimming cert while he drowned.
If I ever find something that pays enough to do what I want and offers a nice work life balance my ladder climbing will stop there. I have no career goals beyond that. I want to pursue my personal interests and help others learn. That’s it. Unfortunately I can’t figure out how to monetize my personal interests in a way that won’t make me hate my life.
When someone asks me what I do, I list hobbies. I’m not my job.
I am legitimately jealous of people who manage to work a job doing something they actually like. They seem so much better off? My dad is one of those - he’ll retire and come back for fun.
I’m finally in a position that I can say “I don’t hate,” pays well, and I get a pension but holy shit I still occasionally get the “Monday blues.”
The second that I can retire, I’m fucking OUT.
This has been a block for me in dating apps. They look down on you for saying you’re perfectly fine where you are right now. I’m over 40 and have a nice job, there’s no need for me to continue to run after “something better”. But other people see you like you’re accommodated or lazy. It’s bonkers.
The funny thing is, usually, they are in a lot worse place than me, financially.
That CEO has a stripper name.
JFC what a sociopath.
She’s an LLM optimized for doing “career goals”.
Maybe that’s the unavoidable final state of our society. A million goalbots, dancing together, forever.
I bet that person’s company has a huge surface area that looks like Swiss cheese.
