Edit, this came off kinda harsh, and I want to be very clear about my tone, this is meant to be supportive and caring with an understanding that all of this is really difficult, but that you can work on your problems and succeed at doing so.

Do you want to hate yourself or do you want to fix your problems? Because the problems you listed are solvable but they aren’t the sort of solutions you deal with for someone you hate. You need to sit yourself down and start practicing saying that you’re worth the difficulty of keeping trying to change.

Start with self esteem talk. From there, look at each of the problems you have here that have a solution and rank them in difficulty to work on. I’d recommend starting with the eating more and vaping issues, though if kratom has a negative impact on hormones definitely put it on the list.

Also try to have fun with stuff like makeup when you try it. If you don’t have other trans women in your life IRL I’d recommend finding some. It really helps to have friends who understand what you’re going through, even if you’re jealous of them.

You’re going to stumble, and that’s ok. You try again. You’re worth trying until you’ve got it. You’re worth the efforts to live your best life rather than just blitzing yourself out on drugs all the time.

I’ve been self destructive, I had to work hard on self love, I still have to work on it sometimes. But I also managed to lose 30 lbs while finishing college about 2 or 3 years into hormones by acknowledging I had the power to change that aspect of my appearance and that I deserved to look how I wanted. If I can do something like that, you can do your version too.

And yeah, as I’ve said before, don’t judge yourself compared to others, especially not those of us much further along than you

First off be nicer to my friend or I’ll come and hug you so hard you’ll feel cherished. Second, so much will continue to change in the next three years. 8 months is for real so early. I didn’t even get my girl nips until like 2.5 years in. We all go at our own pace but believe me when i say there is still so much to look forward to. I thought for sure I’d never wear makeup. Now i won’t go out in public without a little eyeliner and mascara. Took me three years before i wore my first dress in public. This year i walked in the pride parade in a trans bikini. This is a long journey and sometimes it seems like we are standing still. I promise you those baby steps add up.

Also, i really hope you can get the kratom under control. I’ve seen a few friends battling with it.

first of all, hugs your way 🫂

hrt is a marathon hun, our breasts are pretty similar in size from what I can tell, I’m almost a year in and youre 8 months. the effects dont start to taper off until like 3-4 years in

make sure to keep some perspective in mind. a lot of the things you and I dislike about ourselves are just things cis women deal with all the time. picking out the most attractive women and judging yourself compared to them will always tear you down. not to mention that you dont know what they dislike about themselves too, everyone has their struggles.

i dont like my nose, I don’t like my thick eyebrows, I don’t like my stubble or my shoulders. i VERY MUCH dont like my voice. all these things arent exclusive to me, and aren’t exclusive to trans folks. i look past all this because I know that nobody really cares, and if they do care they’re a jerk and should just fuck off anyway!

hang in there girl, were in this together

I don’t mean to alarm you, I am someone whose words shouldn’t be totally trusted, but I am filled with like a weird fear whenever I read your posts and comments that something worse than what you’re freely talking about is going on.

Honey you gotta give yourself a break. You are putting waaaay too much pressure on yourself.

I’ve been on HRT 2 years. These babies take a while to grow. Puberty is a long long process. I know it’s hard. I hope you can find some peace soon.

Loving oneself is so key, and trust me it took me a really long time to get there. One step at a time. One day at a time. You can do it but it takes a good support system. And that can take a while to build. Finding the right therapist to talk to is so huge.

I know about drugs. I used heavily for over 3 decades. I tried Narcotics Anonymous for a few years. It helped a little. Some folks it helps a lot. It’s hard to kick that shit. I get that.

Maybe try forming 1 good habit at a time, and pick one thing you are doing now that you want to change. You can do this.

I know you want to keep going because you keep reaching out. You are stronger than you realize.

Keep fighting, we’ll be here with you.

puberty takes time in cis girls, and that’s fine too, so why wouldn’t it be fine in your case? you gotta let it have some time … patience is a virtue and all that.

I dont have any better answers than what other people already shared here but you’re not alone girl <3

you are not useless and you are not a burden, you deserve to exist no matter what form that existence is. Because at the end of the day we’re all just meat sacks on some fuck ass backwater floating rock, trying to project some meaning onto the leftover corpse of a star. So go take care of your bf, get some good love and affection, and take a cuddle nap. It’ll be alright.

🫂

I love you sis, as always.