the only times i’ve ever been employed and made a livable wage while doing it was at a job with policies like this, and it was because I was basically the only employee they had ever found that could comply with such absurd expectations. You have to miss a day at some point sooner or later. Which is why I no longer work there. Was being able to have that one dentist appointment 6 years ago worth it? No it was not.
“Sorry I haven’t been to work this month, I’m too sick to go to the doctor”
And that’s the day I quit.
fuck that, I’m gonna fuck shit up so bad with so many “mistakes” they’re gonna have to shutter the doors.
rm -rf /* mother fuckers!
Sometimes if you do a job badly enough they don’t ask you to do it anymore.
-Calvin
Smoke breaks: smoking will happen during your shift and you will ash your cigs into the fabric scrap bins.
Thank you, Triangle Shirtwaist Factory Management
fucking hell, wasn’t expecting that lol
The "Thank you management should be read with the intonation of “THANKS OBAMA!”
Corporations:
I have (briefly) encountered employers who literally believe the first one, though.
It’s a great way to get your entire workforce sick, that’s for sure. That’ll certainly keep productivity high, won’t it?
There productivity show, creating the illusion of productivity is enough.
Power move: come in and vomit on the boss’s desk, car, or their person.
“sorry, I was gonna go to the doctor but you know the rules”
Most employers don’t truly care about productivity or output. They just care about getting to control other people.
Yeah, no. Most people run a business to make money, not for fun.
“Most employers” is very likely wrong.
But the employers of most employees, absolutely.
What you’re saying is, that you’ll only accept that I’m sick if you genuinely hear absolutely nothing from me because I’m either dead or completely incapacitated, and then only show up later after recovering?
I can work with that.
No you can’t work with that. Its, like, direkty examined in the sign!
/s
Sounds like someone has wasted their generational wealth and is getting desperate.
If I saw this I would either quit on the spot or call up my union.
I’d burn the place to the ground. I won’t put up with this, nor should anyone else.
No place that puts up this sign allows unions.
The line with the sick notices I can agree with. I mean… I sometimes get sick that I can barely leave bed, just sitting up makes me puke my guys out and then I’m supposed to walk to the next doctor, wait an hour … Sitting … so the doctor can tell me: “yep, you are sick”… Thank you, that trip probably delayed my recovery by a couple of days.
Wouldn’t it be great if you didn’t have to do that useless trip in order to keep the roof over your head?
Just call them and have a telephone appointment. Job done.
Only fucking losers refer to themselves as ‘management’
Based on the font of “Company Policies” and the fact that it’s an embossed metal (or shiny plastic) sign, I’m gonna assume this is a gag decoration. However, I wouldn’t be surprised about a company using this as inspiration…
Yeah, this is one of those damn fool things you see hanging in gift shops and other outlets of kitsch, unironically on display as if it’s still clever and nobody’s ever seen it before. Usually right along side the very similar plaque with the “Labor rates: If you watch / If you offer advice / If you help” canard, “Harley Davidson Parking Only,” “Complaint Department, Take a Number (Grenade),” and others of the same ilk.
I’ve seen the “labour rates” one in a few mechanic’s workshops.
Definitely more of a hint than a joke.
America be like…
I’d work there part time to troll management until I piss them off so much I get fired.
All things that are illegal in real countries
