I grew up in a rough household. We had holes punched into the walls, doors torn off the frames, my siblings and I saw regular abuse, and as a kid I constantly felt like I had to do things to keep the family held together.
I felt like I was treated by my parents as a servant. They constantly threw away anything I remotely liked, and continued stacking chores on me, especially those that weren’t my own mess. They gave me the boot shortly before graduation, and long story short, I finally got a place for myself after years of effort.
I just can’t shake this feeling though that things are painfully unfair. Like you escape hell after all these years, and the first thing expected from you is to find a job. I get it, you need to work to make money and pay the rent and bills but… why me? Why after all this time of putting up with the crap you have instead of being a kid are you just expected to step in line like everyone else when you never got that opportunity to find who you are and simply enjoy life for what it is.
I don’t know, is this lazy? It’s not that I don’t want to work, but why can’t I be a kid? Why can’t I have some time to reclaim what all was taken from me and have some time to enjoy myself rather than grasp at random short memories I had before I was 5? Everyone else got it, why not me?
I don’t know, am I just rambling about nothing?
I get it, you need to work to make money and pay the rent and bills but… why me?
Because that’s what everybody has to do. You don’t get to get out of it just because you don’t like your circumstances.
You can have a job and still do the things you think you would have done as a child. It isn’t like 1/3 of childhood days aren’t taken up by school, not even counting homework.
I had so much more time as a young adult than I had in school. Except for summer break I guess.
You’re not rambling about nothing, and yes, you got dealt shit cards by the croupier of life. Lots of people have it easier in many regards. I can understand your frustration and resistance. You got robbed of your childhood and that sucks.
However, life is unfair and life is relentless and that ain’t changing anytime soon. If you don’t find a job/income source within a reasonable time frame, you’ll be back in a different kind of hell.
I understand you are grieving for your childhood, but sometimes your material situation becomes more urgent than your feelings. How urgent finding a job is depends on your personal finances and security nets available.
I suggest getting a job for your own good. Life is unfair but all we can do is adapt and look out for ourselves and those we care about.
If you play your cards right career-wise, you might be able to dedicate some time to self discovery now or more later on, when you have financial stability.
Good luck to you, friend.
I just can’t shake this feeling though that things are painfully unfair
It is for everyone…
Everyone else got it, why not me?
Even if your childhood was rougher than most, some had it worse. Like, I saw a story about an adult 5’9 man in his early 20s. His parent took him out of elementary school when CPS started investigating. When he was finally rescued he weighed 70lbs and his teeth were breaking as he tried to eat food, but he was too hungry to stop due to the pain.
So you very well could have had a very shitty childhood, but it’s not as bad as that guy and you’re on your own with the opportunity to support yourself.
To look on the brighter side: all the bullshit that comes with being an adult won’t seem as bad to you.
This is no different from saying “The child slaves working the cobalt mines have it worse, so buck up and be grateful!”, which isn’t terribly useful. Things could always be worse, but that doesn’t delegitimize or negate other issues. Instead of saying you could have it worse, why not instead ask how we can improve things, or even propose something?
sure you can do that but how will you shelter and feed yourself?
Personal opinion here, I think the world is inherently unfair. Fairness is something we give to ourselves and each other, but the world itself only has its natural laws to follow.
If you can find some childhood happiness even as you grow older, you should enjoy it. It is a right we all have or are entitled to demand.
I’d say the typical childhood is a fantasy, not everyone is the same. There’s plenty of suffering and neglect to go around and I’m sure you’ll find plenty of friends here who have gone through similar things.
It’s good to ramble and relieve the pent-up stress once in a while, but also to seek a way of resolving the issues to stop them from reoccurring.
Money is unavoidable but you don’t have to do a typical career. Maybe you could try one of those English teaching jobs overseas, or be a nomad doing odd jobs here and there and traveling around. Lots of paths out there, and some might be more care free than a typical 9-5.
Have you considered becoming a student? You might be able to get financial aid. It might not cover 100%, but you’d get to be around young people also discovering themselves.
You definitely didn’t deserve what you got. I hope you can find a path that feels at least a little more like what you want to be doing.
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I enjoy work to the extent that one can enjoy something they’re forced to do. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Would I choose to do a million other things with my time if I could? Sure. But there’s nothing wrong with liking something even if it’s not your preference.
Pack up and/or get rid of all your stuff and go travel the world. Go discover new places, new people, new cultures. Learn new languages, new skills, new customs. That’s probably the closest experience to being a child again as an adult.
Most people don’t want to work - they just have different reasons for why.
Personally I’d take the stoic approach: if you can’t change how things are so the best this is to accept it rather than resist.
i come from a similar place, and while I’ve been on my own for 10 years now, the crushing grief of my lost childhood has only intensified. now, the whole country i live in is trying to force me back into the same life i struggled SO HARD to escape
I’m also severely depressed and have a painful disability that i have to work through at a manual labor job. all i want, all i need, is rest. but i will probably die working, and so i grieve for my past as well as my future.
sometimes it feels like i will never truly live, and that’s incredibly painful to deal with. dont listen to people telling you to stop being bitter, i know it isnt like that at all.
try to find an understanding community, as well as a trauma-informed (very important) therapist. you may never get rid of the trauma, but hopefully find ways to cope.
If you can get by without a job, go for it.
You got a rough start mate and I’m really sorry you didn’t get the loving childhood you deserved. You should never have suffered this, and you’re starting on the back foot but held to the standards everyone else is. It’s unfair, and it’s ok to feel that.
I never got a childhood either, so I claim it now. Things like cuddly toys, fun snacks give it to me now. I also get parented in !dadforaminute@lemmy.world and in other ways, that helps.
I understand your thinking. OTOH, if you don’t carry your own weight, you make someone else do it for you, and put them through the same hell you’ve been trying to escape. That’s not fair, either.
If I were you, I would try to take some time off, travel the world on the cheap, and find my feet, maybe even make peace with myself.
Good luck!
Even people who had great childhoods often spend “the other 8 hours” trying to be kids again.
You either gotta do it like the rest of us and find time for enjoyment between work and errand, or find a way to make money off your “adult childhood”. Neither is easy, but you’ve been through a lot, so you’re obviously capable of doing difficult things.
It might help if you schedule time for it. That way, you can say, “On Tuesday, I’m going to do these things I missed out on as a kid from 7 to 9pm”. And then you play. Or whatever.
You need this, and everyone needs it, so don’t feel bad about scheduling it. You’re helping yourself heal.
