Posting this because I can’t really talk to my family or whatever. I have one main friend but I don’t think she cares on a deeper level so it always just feels like I’m alone. Who do you guys turn to for help? It’s always been a struggle for me, it’s like no one is really there. It feels like I’m living the same day over and over again and I’m not contempt with my own thoughts and it’s hard for me to get over it. I’m not sure if I’m just depressed and I’m so good at hiding it or I’m just so numb to everything. I forget so much of my past and it’s so hard for me to sit with myself and figure out what the fuck is wrong with me. I just lost something so good in my life because I made a big mistake and that’s also something I won’t get over. I can’t win things back and it’s sad to accept reality of things. Sorry for this depressing as post but I don’t have anyone to really talk to

  • LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works
    0·
    12 days ago

    that’s also something I won’t get over.

    Not when you keep repeating that to yourself. Shit sucks, shit will suck for a while, but shit won’t suck forever. It is okay to grief and be sad about good things. But life has to go on. Do things, meet people, force yourself to do it.

    It will get better, period. Right now, it feels like it won’t. But you are already reaching out here, that is working on getting better. Keep doing it, and in the meantime, head up, chest out, carry on.

    • canadianchik@lemm.eeOPEnglish
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      13 days ago

      I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. You know, I never blame my parents for anything that they caused me to be or experience. I know it’s their first time living life, they won’t be perfect and we all live once. We all make mistakes and I forgive my father for everything he’s done to me. I grew up to disappoint him I guess so we would get into plenty of arguments (physical, verbal, etc) and it never was good. We wouldn’t talk for months and close to a year at one point and that is what really destroyed me inside. Feeling abandoned in a way. Feeling abandoned but living in the same house? Maybe I’m crazy but that’s how it felt. We are good now, we did have a fight not long ago where some rude things were said but I brushed it off and we talked not long after. But I think what haunts me is that I don’t think I can talk to him normally / look at him in the eyes for a long time without feeling fear. It saddens me. I did sign up for psychotherapy and I believe my first meeting (I think a call) is in may. I’m worried I won’t know where to begin or what to say. I tend to forget so much about my past.

        • canadianchik@lemm.eeOPEnglish
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          13 days ago

          Yea I’m assuming that’s what it is to be honest. I forget so much but I know I went through much u know. It sucks so much. I’m not sure about neuro divergence but I’m going to look more into it. I’m scared I won’t be able to get over it. I don’t want to live in fear from the ones who are suppose to love me and vice versa. I can’t even maintain eye contact properly with people anymore and I feel like I’m always sorry or saying sorry to people and it’s so draining to me. I just want a break. Like I wanna be gone but not in that way. Just like gone from everything

  • Jerb322@lemmy.world
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    13 days ago

    Do you have a hobby that you might be interested in that involves meeting up with others? I know for a fact that more than a few good friendships started this way.

      • can@sh.itjust.works
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        13 days ago

        but I’m not the best at it.

        Doesn’t matter! It’s the act of doing it that’s beneficial.

      • tauren@lemm.eeEnglish
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        13 days ago

        I like to draw and paint but I’m not the best at it

        I mean, it’s a hobby. I understand the desire to be good at it, but the primary goal is to have fun.

  • otacon239@lemmy.world
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    13 days ago

    It’s going to sound dismissive, but I don’t go to others. I’ve found in my times of feeling the most alone, the only thing that allowed me to feel different was introspection.

    I do absolutely understand the primal desire to be around others for support, but self-sufficiency and finding satisfaction without the help of others was my only way forward.

    It wasn’t so much that I needed to change or that I was doing something wrong, but I forced myself to focus on those feelings and try to understand where they were coming from and learned that other things in my life gave me that satisfaction. For me, I make art when I’m feeling the most alone because it allows me to express that feeling.

    Another thing that may come across as harsh is that you’re the only one in charge of your own happiness. If you feel like none of your friends are supporting you, it’s up to you to go out and find new people to fill their space.

    Friends that are only there for you when you’re feeling good are not friends.

    • canadianchik@lemm.eeOPEnglish
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      13 days ago

      Thanks for this. I do enjoy being alone I do but it’s so hard to distract myself sometimes when I’m alone the motivation isn’t there and I want to bed rot. I spiral in my own thoughts and it’s so hard to channel it out. I have lowkey been feeling like this for so fucking long, it was starting to get better but now it’s just downhill. I’m trying to work through it but I can’t even talk to my own family because they don’t believe in anything mental health wise. I’ve been told to shut up during panic attacks and I never been comforted the way I wanted to. I don’t know how to find new friends, it’s hard. I am 21 and I feel like at this age like everyone has their “set” and not much people go out to make new friends, I could be wrong

      • otacon239@lemmy.world
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        13 days ago

        On your last point, I moved 5 years ago when I was 28 with no friends or family to speak of outside of online. It’s never too late. My best luck making friends have been in context. In other words, I never went to a place to specifically make friends. I met them all when I was doing other things.

        The biggest change for me was joining a kickboxing gym. I’m not an athlete by any stretch, but it allowed me to gain confidence, which I quickly learned is about the most attractive trait you can have.

        The only way to get better at meeting new people is to try and fail. Hopefully through some trial and error, you can find an activity you enjoy that happens to involve others rather than trying to go places to meet people.

  • Theo@lemmy.worldEnglish
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    13 days ago

    In the US, 988 has a warm line. They get a bad rap but if you call, wait and ask for the warm line during the day, they will call back within 48 to 72 hours to talk about anything for a half hour. For when you are not in a crisis, but still need to talk. If you ever are, look up crisis numbers in your area.

  • BonesOfTheMoon@lemmy.world
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    11 days ago

    Before the rise of shitty corporate social media, we had Livejournal which was a private blogging platform, you could have your posts set friends only or public, and let me tell you writing shit out and having people comment on it, whether they validated you or pointed out a flaw in how you thought, was so much more useful than therapy.

  • Talaraine@fedia.io
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    13 days ago

    I think many of us have been here before. The first thing to realize is that… you aren’t the first and won’t be the last. I’m sorry you’ve had trouble in life. I’m having trouble now too, but different… and feel there’s nobody I can really talk to about it. I have friends who are also having trouble and while we talk, the reality is that all my good wishes and time to time help doesn’t solve their problems either. In the end it’s up to them.

    “Life is a struggle” isn’t just an axiom.

    The first thing any lonely person can do is really learn to love spending time with themselves. It involves a lot of soul searching, exploring, learning what things in life interest them enough to explore on their own. When you accomplish that, take what you’re interested in and go find other people who are interested in it. Two people in the world who might be meant for each other, but just stay at home because they don’t want to get out there… will never ever meet.

    Life is work. Friends are work. Relationships are work. If you just want to be happy alone and by yourself, guess what? Work.

    This is a crossroads in your life, where you get to decide which way to go. It may seem overwhelming, but in the end it starts with one simple thing. What thing in the world makes you happy? If that’s nothing, then start with, what thing in the world makes you less sad?

    Every house has a foundation. Time to build yours.

  • MojoMcJojo@lemmy.world
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    11 days ago

    I go to bed. By day three I’m a little better, as long as nothing else happens in those three days. I have good meds for sleeping though, it’s like a mini suicide

  • Thoven@lemdro.idEnglish
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    12 days ago

    Journal. Then a sappy romance anime until I feel better. If it’s a consistent issue and not just a bad week there is no substitute for therapy.