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A man can only dream of having a girl who’s so attentive and understanding. She’d make a good mom.
Most of us are so utterly self-consumed.
Yeah. Positive reinforcement works across a lot of species… Just because the OP is used to using it with canines first doesn’t make it bad to use on humans We could all use a little pick-up sometimes, just doing fine the M&M’s to rover and a milk bone to the partner by mistake.
I lucked out, I have someone to train me with snacks too uwu
If THAT is what counts as “being treated like a dog”, woof woof!
🦴
Here Lemmy, have a peanut butter M&M
Yeah I think that’s pretty gross. This person stated that the person they are dating is emotionally unavailable and has potentially been abused as a child. But because they find them pretty, they decided to manipulate a person like they manipulate animals for selfish purposes. (Both are bad!) Their partner probably needs therapy not to be emotionally manipulated by their partner.
Have a M&M
I’m vegan
I am asking this more out of curiosity than criticism, but how would you deal with someone who is emotionally unavailable, shows signs of childhood abuse, but treats you pretty fairly?
Honesty?
Not like a dog?
Be there for them and try to convince them to get professional therapy, maybe? And not Jedi mindtrick them using food out of whatever mood you don’t like that they’re in.
Some people take great offense when you don’t pretend humans have somehow evolved beyond the animal kingdom. Yes, we are still animals, and much of what works for them still works on us.
Many people apparently loving this, I see it as a red flag. She’s manipulative and I’d second guess every action she’d take from the day I noticed it
I personally struggle to see the difference between regular social interaction and manipulation. Do you have a sense on where that lies for you?
For example, due to being autistic, I struggle with making eye contact, but I recognise that most neurotypical people find that important for feeling connected to their conversation partner, so I often try to make eye contact during conversation. If I see someone has styled their hair in a way that shows they’ve put a lot of effort into it, I will often compliment them, even if I only feel neutral about it. I baked a cake for a friend when she finished her exams, because I know that physical gestures like this mean a lot to her (especially if it’s a surprise); I wanted to make her happy, but it wasn’t purely altruistic — ultimately, making the cake was an indirect way of making myself happier.
Another example is how, when speaking to someone struggling with something, my instinct is to go into problem solving mode and try to help. However, I’ve learned that some people much prefer space to be sad, and so saying things like “that sounds so frustrating” or “I can see why you’re so angry, it’s an unfair situation” lands better. It always feels weird and manipulative to do this, because the things I say feel so trite and meaningless. But it seems to really help, and I’ve had to just embrace the fact that people use different things to cope than I do. It does feel weird though, and if these aren’t examples of bad manipulation, then I don’t know where that line would be
This reads like you didn’t even read the post, and you’re projecting your negative experience with your ex onto it for some reason. Yeah, abuse isn’t cool, but that’s not what this is.
I did read the post and yes, I have neen in abusive situations before. There is a reason why its an AITA question and yes, she is the asshole.
Just because apparently loads of people have a slave fetish here doesn’t mean that it’s not manipulative.
It’s odd, sweet, I think. She’s doing her best in the way she knows best
Has hammer, sees only nails.
This is just poorly thought out. You offer dessert and to pay, yhen classify out as food motivation. I mean it could be that he’s happy you’re paying, or happy you want to be out longer. If anything he just ate, so food motivation would be at it’s lowest.
You’re taking an animal that isn’t as complex as humans or even have a concept of society, and trying to apply that to a person in a relationship. I think the thought is there, but the conclusions are a bit flawed.
I mean it could be that he’s happy you’re paying, or happy you want to be out longer.
Oh, have you seen video of their lunch or something? You should post it, we can figure this out right now.
That’s my point. We don’t know. She made a wild assumption based on terms used to train dogs.
We don’t know. Through grand powers of deduction, I assume she was in the room when it happened.
M&M?
We’re only more complex in that we have language systems so can assess situations in a more detailed way. The majority of the time we have pretty much the same instincts and responses to stimuli to many other animals because, in short, it takes less energy/effort. Being able to conceive society, something canines can do, doesn’t stop other natural instincts. There is a level of simplification, yes, but this is a social media post, not a scientific study so it won’t explain every minute detail!
We’re only more complex in that we have language systems so can assess situations in a more detailed way.
In part yes. But we also have a society. We have concepts of social norms that we created and evolved. We have expectations developed through a lifetime of education and media. A human from 50 years ago would feel lost in today’s world, let alone a dog. We may be driven by some same basics, but we are more complex.
My point is that we can’t talk to dogs like we can to humans. So we learn signs and try to interpret them as best we can. But interpretations are just that - interpretations. They can be wrong. A better method would be to talk and discuss the issue, removing the need for any guesswork.
She seems to have only the best intentions, but I can’t help but feel a little creeped out. She’s using a psychological trick to leverage this man’s trauma in order to get him to behave in a certain way, and she’s doing it without his knowledge or consent. I think that’s dishonest at the very least, and I don’t think building the foundation of your relationship on calculated manipulation is going to lead to a good outcome.
I’d even go as far as saying her emotional intelligence creates a power imbalance in the relationship, which she is deliberately exploiting.
Eh, I see it as a way to overcome trauma. In therapy don’t they give you “tools” to use to achieve the same? Unknown that’s the individual doing it themselves and not a third party doing it. But I don’t see it as overly wrong.
At least until the individual overcomes the trauma, although I suppose they themselves should be able to acknowledge that they have overcome it.
So I don’t know. What I do know is if someone felt that strongly, directly towards my mental health, it would be amazing.
I agree that what she does is manipulative and condescending even with the best intentions (paving the road to hell and all that), but I have issues with the use of “emotional intelligence” here.
An emotional intelligent person does NOT do this kind of shit on purpose.
They meet the other person where they’re at and on the same level, they communicate honestly, they don’t presume to educate or manage them.I’d say she comes off more as emotionally stunted, she has no idea know how to relate with her partner as an equal.
As Iggy Pop said, now I wanna be your dog.
I want this in my life so badly 😮💨
You could just buy peanut m&ms
That’s not the same, and you know it
Dear diary,
Do people think I don’t know I’m joking? It’s one of life’s hidden mysteries to me, like the Fermi paradox or what the Reese’s panties are there for, or why I like it so much. Why don’t more candies dress up for the occasion?
I knew you were joking. What I said is technically true, but it’s also a funny response to what you said
Tell me more about Reese’s panties…
This is probably a me thing, but if I were to catch on to someone doing this I might start wondering at some hidden intent behind everything they do
Next thing you know they’re hiding deworming pills in your treats. 😂
Sweet, now I can continue eating rare pork without worrying!
This. ^
Most of the time, you can’t tell the persons intentions from that position. I hope for the guy’s sake the woman is genuine about helping him. Though her method is fucked.
I mean, it doesn’t say that she forces him to eat it from her hand or anything.
Even if the intent is good it is still manipulation without consent.
That’s true yeah. Yeah the more I think about the situation, the nastier it gets. The training could mess someone up.
The way she contextualises it is a bit odd, but the actual thing isn’t that bad. It’s just accommodating him, being aware of his particulars, and helping him over his issues. The gift of a single M&M is unusual, but giving your partner something nice isn’t strange. People do similar things all the time in relationships, it’s just not thought of as training.
Biggest issue is her framing it that way, because people might either get the wrong idea, or give the wrong idea. Saying she’s training him like a dog gives the idea of a lead, like with an actual dog.
Yeah, I’ve seen a lot of people react like the treats are indignifying, as if positive and negative reinforcement only happen in a lab or something.
Yeah, the single m&m is a little weird but how is it really different than seeing someone in a bag mood and telling them a joke or something to lift their spirits?
People wouldn’t blink twice if you’d brought your partner some chocolate, or lunch because they were having a bad day.
Pretty sure it’s the lack of consent of the intent that is undignified. Just like many woman prefer to not have their date pay for their meal because it sets the implication that they have to pay via other ways and they didn’t consent to this.
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I will throw you like Donkey Kong throws a barrel.
