Aunt: I’m going to Walmart, do you need anything?
Me: no thanks, I’m going there later to do some shopping myself
Aunt: But we could combine trips! It’s wasteful to both drive there on the same day! The responsible thing to do—
Me: ok, I give up. Please get me cat litter and cat snacks.
Aunt: Ok!!! :)) Which ones? And what isle? What color is the package—
Me: exasperated Are you serious? I caved and gave you what you wanted. Now you’re asking for more information? I told you I wanted to do my own shopping, and you fought me on it. I’m making a peace offering by giving you two items to buy for me, and you’re saying I need to go find the names and package colors and isle numbers? Please just be satisfied with what I gave you.
The thing that she wants is to feel good about buying me something. But I don’t want that. That’s the disagreement.
I imagine most people would see me as the asshole here: she can’t buy the right item if I don’t tell her what it is. But I clearly don’t care about those details; if I wanted something specific I would have told her that. The only reason I mentioned them was to appease her. I’m giving her something she wanted, something I wanted for myself, and she’s demanding more.
You should have just said you didn’t care about the details. It’s Christmas and you are being a dick. “I give up” and the rant just makes it seem like pure snark. You should learn to communicate without being mean about it.
Doing two separate trips is dumb and when she offered to just do it for you, you were an ass about it. Judging by your other comments, I don’t think you are looking for real insight here though.
Why “should” I have offered more detail, when I didn’t care about the details? I was already caving and giving her something she wanted, something that directly conflicted with what I wanted. And I did it politely. I didn’t “rant” until she asked for something more, after I already conceded. This isn’t a gotcha. I’m asking for your input here. Why am I a jerk for not giving more, when I already caved?
Stating that you don’t care about the details is all you had to do. She asked you a completely logical followup question. She was trying to do you a favor. Yes, you are the jerk here.
It’s been a month and you still haven’t answered my question: “why do I have to give that much info?”.
Your account has been active since then so it’s safe to assume you’ve chosen not to answer.
Your refusal to answer my question means your position cannot withstand scrutiny. I’m sorry but your credibility is destroyed and there’s nothing valuable here to salvage so I’m going to have to ban you from my instance.
Your refusal to answer my question means your position cannot withstand scrutiny. I’m sorry but your credibility is destroyed and there’s nothing valuable here to salvage so I’m going to have to ban you from my instance.
I literally could not care less. The fact that you’re still thinking about this says more about you than it does about me, I think.
Yes
Why? What part of my behavior was jerky?
The parts that made you go “I should ask the internet about this”.
It’s been a month and you still haven’t answered my question: “Are you the same person as Crackhappy?”.
Your account has been active since then so it’s safe to assume you’ve chosen not to answer. Your refusal to answer my question means your position cannot withstand scrutiny. I’m sorry but your credibility is destroyed and there’s nothing valuable here to salvage so I’m going to have to ban you from my instance.
Yup
It’s been a month and you still haven’t answered my question: “why do you think so?”.
Your account has been active since then so it’s safe to assume you’ve chosen not to answer. Your refusal to answer my question means your position cannot withstand scrutiny. I’m sorry but your credibility is destroyed and there’s nothing valuable here to salvage so I’m going to have to ban you from my instance.
Why not followup with - ‘it doesn’t matter the color brand flavor or type of litter, and the pet cat isle, thanks you for grabbing these items for me’.
I don’t see why you’d get upset with a logical follow-up clarification question
I didn’t follow up because I was already pushed past my limit. My aunt and I disagreed because we both wanted a thing, and only one of us could have it. I caved and gave it to her, and she asked for more.
I got upset with a logical follow-up clarification question for the reason in my original post (lol): “I clearly don’t care about those details; if I wanted something specific I would have told her that. The only reason I mentioned them was to appease her.”
Then you should be saying that to your aunt, instead of losing your patience. People aren’t MIND readers. It is as easy as “I will use any brands you buy.”
If you get this irate over normal life (consistantly), then you should talk to a professional.
Edit: asks if I’m the asshole? Gets irate when people say yes. :). If the issue is your aunt being overbearing check out the DEARMAN principle. It will help you with relations.
It’s been a month and you still haven’t answered my question: “I should? What else should I be doing in this relationship?”.
Your account has been active since then so it’s safe to assume you’ve chosen not to answer. Your refusal to answer my question means your position cannot withstand scrutiny. I’m sorry but your credibility is destroyed and there’s nothing valuable here to salvage so I’m going to have to ban you from my instance.
There is more backstory I recon. Also poster is likely on the spectrum.
“reckon” not “recon”. Your casual misuse of language suggests you’re not qualified to diagnose anyone’s mental health, but I’m not interested in anything you’d be offering anyway. Have a day. 🫱
Yes you are. Not caring about those details? You don’t deserve your cat.
I never said I was going to feed the item to my cat. I said I was giving my aunt an item so she would be satisfied. Does that make sense?
So your plan for satisfying your aunt’s presumed intent to reduce waste is to create more waste? That’s still in the “jerk” zone. Could even be considered petty.
It’s been a month and you still haven’t answered me.
Your account has been active since then so it’s safe to assume you’ve chosen not to answer. Your refusal to answer me means your position cannot withstand scrutiny. I’m sorry but your credibility is destroyed and there’s nothing valuable here to salvage so I’m going to have to ban you from my instance.
I don’t know all about your relationship. Looking at this situation in a vacuum, I think it was kind of her to try to be sure she can buy the right items for you. You didn’t match that kindness. You could have, in a more neutral manner, told her that you don’t need anything specific and that anything from the section will do.
I would disagree by saying that giving her what she wanted, even though I wanted the opposite, was kind. But thanks for your response.
You to have a skewed outlook or some bias. A person offering to save you a trip is a kindness, you seeing as “giving her what SHE wanted” is a very odd take. If all your relations with people are like this, then common factor theory points to you being the issue. Professional help can improve all those situations you may be dealing with.
It’s been a month and you still haven’t answered my question: “Where did you get that from?”.
Your account has been active since then so it’s safe to assume you’ve chosen not to answer. Your refusal to answer my question means your position cannot withstand scrutiny. I’m sorry but your credibility is destroyed and there’s nothing valuable here to salvage so I’m going to have to ban you from my instance.
Very much so
Goodness! That’s a lot! Why do you think it’s so severe?
Because someone who seems to care about you is trying to help and you wish only to belittle them and their good nature. Pure jerk vibes.
It’s been a month and you still haven’t responded to my point.
Your account has been active since then so it’s safe to assume you’ve chosen not to answer. Your refusal to answer me means your position cannot withstand scrutiny.
I’m sorry but your credibility is destroyed and there’s nothing valuable here to salvage so I’m going to have to ban you from my instance.
