These fuckers rate pink lady a 90 but give granny smith a 57 and lemonade apples a 63? Lost their fucking minds; pink lady are just decent and are only saved by their price point. Can’t even compete with modern hit-or-miss honeycrisp. No way in fuck are they the third-best apple variety.
Yeah, no shit lemonade apples don’t taste like you’re drinking lemonade. That’s a problem for like the first one you eat if you’re really susceptible to marketing, after which you can just enjoy them for what they are: a solidly above-average apple with a unique background lemony flavor that are fun to mix in with other apples.
The granny smith, meanwhile, is a fantastic pie apple and a great sour apple, and most of the review is spent whining endlessly about slightly thick skin (literally good for you, arguably one of an apple’s few advantages health-wise over other fruits) and dense flesh. This rating in particular is deranged.
Edit: Holy shit, they rated pink lady a 3.5/5 on tartness. In what universe?? In. What. Fucking. Universe. It’s got practically zero tartness.
Also, complete double standards. Granny smith gets basically its entire review dedicated to denigrating dense flesh and thick skin, but pink lady with its thick skin and dense flesh is called “dense enough to hammer a nail” by its review, and yet these two factors are only treated as mediocre on the bar graph whereas granny smith got a fat fucking 0 for both. What a hypocritical load of shit.
I love your dedication to Granny Smith, and I support you in your rant.
I fucking love granny smith. Best apple ever. Juicy, slightly sour, a touch tart, perfectly refreshing on a hot summer day.
I’ve always found pink lady to be weird. It’s just so flavourless, the flesh consistency is like wet, gravelly sand, and it gets mushy so fast…
How would a pomaceous connoisseur such as yourself explain the difference between sour and tart to an uncouth swine such as myself?
It’s like the difference between having an air of mystery and a sense of je ne sais quoi.
Tartness is just on the tip of the tongue, sourness is everywhere in the mouth.
Tart = good palate cleanser, gets you ready for the next thing
Sour = everything you eat after tastes sour, too
I too, am a fan of the granny
I like granny smiths but you and I must be getting different pink ladies. For me they’re crisp and bright, sweet and just a touch tart.
What the fuck kind of pink ladies have you been eating (ooh err matron etc.)? They should be pretty tart, not the tartest apple in the world but 3.5/5 seems fair to me.
What the fuck kind of pink ladies have you been eating
Ones that are very slightly tart, and given the tight licensure, I’m not willing to grant loose quality control like I do for honeycrisp for why they don’t live up to this alleged true potential.
This is the kind of Opinionated Internet Discourse I want to see more of in the world.
And Fuji were “Horse Food” and are now “Barely worth it”! Totally do not agree with their palate, love their dedication and sharpness!
I’d steal a fuji apple. I would use other apples as a throwing weapon
I was gonna say, Fuji are incredible, homie has a weird palette for sure. Best I’ve had out of the 20 or so I’ve tried
Tech. What’s really bothering you isn’t the opinion content, is it? It’s the editorial sloppiness of the place. The applerankings world needs you.
I respect your rant, but Pink Lady fucking slaps.
Pink lady is my favorite. Pretty darn tart, I would say.
Granny Smith is an absolute disgrace ! As flaky as my [insert vulgarity here] and no bloody taste at all. Are y’all tastebuds used to eating raw corndog or what ? On the other hand Pink Lady is an absolute banger, sweet, juicy, firm and heavenly.
No taste? I feel you had counterfeits.
You know those candy rings with the green wine-gum on top and the white stuff on the bottom? https://www.bonpek.com/cdn/shop/files/trolligreenapplering_47ada6f6-31c8-4772-be74-d2017f148b2d.png?v=1769391812&width=900
Those are not just apple flavoured, but specifically Granny Smith flavoured - and it is noticable, particularly because of that Apple’s own flavour.
Got curious. Opened the apple ranking. Checked Granny Smith. Closed the apple ranking.
Utterly useless.
Granny Smith is the AI-Art of Apples. Looks too much like an apple, tastes just almost like an apple, some people love it, but must of us know it’s bland, boring an uninspired.
bland
I know people who can’t take a bite without grimacing because they’re so sour. You can say a lot about Granny Smiths, but not that they taste like nothing.
Ahhh yes battery acid apples. Much flavour and complexity
Lol. You’re not wrong! I love sour things. Sour is fun. And tbh, most other apples are bland in this regard. If not for Granny Smiths I would probably hardly eat apples all that often.
I guess you just don’t like apples. Just eat vinegar-soaked XPS-foam.
Not crispy enough.
Fair
Banter off English is not my first language and I thought “bland” could be used as the opposite of “rich” in the context of food.
Banter on Crying because you got pepper sprayed at your wedding doesn’t mean your emotional. Sour does not equal depth. comparing Granny Smith to actual apples is like comparing concentrated vinegar to well made Balsamico.
Those gen zs don’t even know how good vinegar is in their cooking
Came here for the apple love. Stayed for the absolute hate and vitriol.
Can you truly love one type of apple if you aren’t furious at lesser apples that come up short?
Oh yay, I get to address my two favorite common misconceptions about the colonial US at once.
There is an element of truth in the assertion that Ben Franklin owned slaves, but it’s mostly untrue. He participated in what he was taught to do from an early age, but seeing the effects of slavery first hand changed his mind. He spent the rest of his life as one of that era’s most outspoken critics against slavery, even purchasing a printing press to print anti-slavery brochures and pamphlets.
https://benjaminfranklinhouse.org/education/benjamin-franklin-and-slavery/
George Washington’s wooden teeth are a myth. Wood teeth certainly existed, but were extremely uncommon and only used by people who had nothing else. Most commonly, dentures of that era were made from ivory, animal teeth, or cadaver teeth.
In May of 1784, Washington paid several unnamed slaves 122 shillings (£6.10, equivalent to $195 in 2025) for a total of nine teeth to be implanted by a French doctor, who became a frequent guest on the plantation over the next few years.
your list is missing a fourth category
Yeah, he didn’t have wooden teeth, he had slave’s teeth, teeth he got from slaves that he did own but because he was vewy sowy it doesn’t count.
“He wasn’t a slave owner! He just owned slaves, dumbass!”
Why, did they make new worse apples?
Given this gestures at everything, it’s likely 😮💨
Yes actually. Red delicious was famously introduced to wide acclaim but decades of breeding for shelf life and economy left them as the gas station miscarriage baby of apples.
Shame on you for trying convince me that’s new
Someone explain to me why Red Delicious is still a thing in a world of Cosmic Crisp?
Is it still a thing? I thought they moved most of the existing red delicious rootstock over to cosmic crisp branches. And I also think the transition takes time, so there might still be stragglers. Cosmic crisp is less than a decade old.
Beats me but all these old dry bags of sawdust are still being offered in all the groceries I’ve been to.
“Tradition”? Just like beating your children.
You’re right! I just finished beating them now. Wait, I don’t have any kids, whose kids are these?
I have never witnessed so much spite in a single review and I’m so here for it
The most disappointing apple I’ve ever had was an Arkansas black (or might’ve been Alabama black). Cosmetically it’s a gorgeous apple. Nice and round and a deep shade a red, like what you’d expect to see used as a prop in a Snow White production. But when you bite into it it’s a sandy, mealy disgrace.
It’s like a flavorless Macintosh
Oddly that’s the apple now ranked as Vomitous Filth
Lmfao
Fun site, but ranking Pink Lady higher than Braeburn should be considered a mental disorder.
I love the apple rankings site but remain ever a Honeycrisp ho. I never liked apples until one day I was pregnant and hungry and at Target they had out samples of apple - out of desperation I grabbed one and holy crap, it was everything an apple should be, nothing like anything I’d had before, and I worked at a natural foods store, we got the pink lady and cripps and gala, it’s not like I had not tried to like apples.
It will ever be the Honeycrisp, the platonic ideal. Perfectly sweet, perfectly tart, and can be cooked in pies and taste good. I don’t need any other apple. My coworker prefers the Cosmic Crisp but I don’t.
Yeah i was going to say i was the same as you then fell in love with cosmic crisp. Also ambrosia are great too, but if you found your apple love there’s nothing to change! I’m glad you found one you liked. I used to hate apples too after trying granny smith and red delicious. The first was insanely sour and not appetizing and the second was mushy apple shaped pulp board.
Fun fact: I live right near where granny smiths were invented (Eastwood in Northern Sydney). I’d like to sincerely apologise to the world on behalf of my city’s contribution.
Freshly pressed granny smith mixed with polish bison grass vodka is an absolute delight
Yet more evidence that Granny smith apples are ingredients and are not fit for human consumption without modification
I don’t know how widely available it is outside of Minnesota (Honeycrisp was invented here) but there’s a Honeycrisp hard cider called Loon Juice, it’s pretty good. I also saw a jug of non alcoholic cider made from them at the grocery store a few days ago.
OMG I see this is at our Total Wine. I will get some for our Halloween party for sure.
No review for Topaz. Failure of a website smh
Also no review for:
- Elstar
- Boskoop
- Wellant
- Holsteiner Cox
- Ingrid Marie
Elstar used to be my favorite until i found topaz. Boskoop is really nice for baking.
Neither for Royal Gala. Maybe they’re too European.
They don’t have a ranking for my favorite apple either. Liberty (NY 55140-19) are great eating apples. The only problem with them: they’re only in season once a year.
What a joke of a site they don’t even have a ranking for my favorite apple. Liberty (NY 55140-19) are great eating apples. The only problem with them: they’re only in season once a year.
That’s how seasons work, ideally.
Yep. I’m not saying it is an unexpected problem.
Eating pigeon pie and squirrel isn’t about the food. Especially squirrel, fuck those shit’s. They did a few hundred in damages to my mango trees. Why am I upset? because the shit’s would knock em off the tree, take a couple bites and leave them for me to clean up. I wouldn’t care if they ate it all. They really are pests.
So maybe the apple pie, was the cherry on top of eating the squirrel. Not for the taste, but for the spite.
I’ve made a few recipes from the late 1700s, and they are mostly garbage loaded up with cloves. Cloves and nutmeg were a money flex back then, so many “fancy” things usually had them included. Like a mince and suet pie… Ugh.
Maybe it was their favorite apple because it’s excellent for cider production?
