• TheAlbatross@lemmy.blahaj.zone
    44·
    2 days ago

    Girl, what?

    1. Love yourself, for fucks sake! You can’t honestly expect anyone else to do it if you don’t.
    2. It’s like you haven’t even heard of hedonistic pleasure I mean c’mon
  • Coldgoron@lemmy.zip
    7·
    2 days ago

    Friedrich Nietzsche believed that even in a meaningless life, one should strive to create their own purpose and goals. He famously stated, “He who has a why to live can bear almost any how,” emphasizing the importance of finding personal meaning despite life’s inherent absurdity.

    I recommend some parts of Nietzche, even though he is far from spotless as a person. Also know all the phillosophy in the world isn’t a substitute for proper help from a mental health councilor.

  • neidu4@piefed.socialEnglish
    16·
    2 days ago

    Being loved isn’t what should drive you. Your love for something or someone should be.

    External validation is always nice, but you should be able to function without it. If you don’t, then you have a truly uphill battle in front of you if being loved is your end goal.

    • essell@lemmy.world
      3·
      2 days ago

      I think if you expect to be able to function without relationships which affirm who you are then you’re in for an uphill battle.

      Humans need each other. For so many things including validation, though the word means different things to different people.

      • zikzak025@lemmy.world
        2·
        21 hours ago

        Yes and no, I’d say. I think it’s healthiest for everyone to find their own personal drive beyond what other people see in them. It’s good to cultivate relationships that provide validation, but dangerous to be wholly dependent on them. When you lose that connection, you lose purpose, as OP seems to have.

        • essell@lemmy.world
          1·
          13 hours ago

          Of course. Independence can not be fostered by dependence, either on ourselves or others.

          Where I suspect OP is going to struggle is everyone telling them to find what they need inside isn’t going to make sense to them.

          If they’ve never felt that external love and validation they’re not going to find it in themselves. We learn and grow up by watching others.

          Monkey see, monkey do applies to relationships, including those with ourselves.

      • kestrel7_7@lemmy.world
        2·
        1 day ago

        I think if you expect to be able to function without relationships which affirm who you are then you’re in for an uphill battle.

        And yet, this is exactly what many of us are doing. It’s really not that bad.

        Obviously it would be preferable to have mutually understanding/respectful relationships, but that’s not really how my life has turned out, so… just gotta keep on doing my thing, I guess.

        • essell@lemmy.world
          1·
          1 day ago

          Comes with a price.

          Speaking generally, as I don’t know you, most isolated people have a desire, drive or yearning for connection.

          Its a feature of the species, baring the rare exceptions that prove the rule.

    • AskewLord@piefed.socialEnglish
      5·
      2 days ago

      validation and love are not the same things, but commonly mistaken especially in the attention economy where people are seeking validation above all else.

      a lot of folks are so obsessed with external validation they are not capable of love anyway.

  • Smoogs@lemmy.worldEnglish
    6·
    2 days ago

    when they say to love yourself they meant this. and not ego. you have to see yourself as worthy. it is you who has to see the worth and value of yourself to want to see the things and do the things.

    you could also practice doing these things until the self gets pulled along and stops dragging your feet so its all like “holy shit we can do some stuff without permissions from other people via their love”

    you have to find that in you.

  • Beth@piefed.socialEnglish
    3·
    2 days ago

    My own enjoyment? Those who have claimed “love” have always taken away from that. So now I live for me.

  • theneverfox@pawb.socialEnglish
    6·
    2 days ago

    Maybe the ambition should be to be loved?

    I find that if you’re just a person who does good things even when no one is watching (and without telling people about it), people and animals are naturally drawn to you

    Be the person who holds doors for everyone. Stop to help people until it becomes natural. Ask the cashier how their day is going. Go to the shelter and cheer up some animals

    • Sean Payne@lemmy.worldEnglish
      1·
      1 day ago

      I resonate with this, but it does imply “pay it forward”-esque mechanics for longevity. I live by this, but there is a burnout that sets in when you do for so many but few do for you. I know it shouldn’t be an equal exchange, but there is only so much energy one can give to others, and it’s hard to multiply what little kindness you receive, sometimes. For me, the question is “how can I replenish that energy to continue to be the good person I want to be?”

      • theneverfox@pawb.socialEnglish
        1·
        21 hours ago

        I resonate with this, but it does imply “pay it forward”-esque mechanics for longevity.

        I disagree, it really just gets easier the more you do it without expecting anything in return. If you feed on gratitude or reciprocation, that’s your reward. If you don’t, but rather do it purely because that’s the kind of person you want to be, it becomes as natural as breathing. You don’t think about it anymore

        but there is only so much energy one can give to others, and it’s hard to multiply what little kindness you receive, sometimes. For me, the question is “how can I replenish that energy to continue to be the good person I want to be?”

        I think there’s a really easy answer… You give what you have to give, and just a little bit more. Like exercise. You push yourself but don’t run yourself ragged, you rest and recover. When you have the energy you seek out opportunities to use it, when you don’t you conserve your energy to recover, but still make an effort to do the little things

        I find that that’s when other people tend to show concern and try to help me in turn, although if you expect it you’re probably going to be disappointed

        All that doesn’t just make you a good person, it also makes you a genuine one

    • Smoogs@lemmy.worldEnglish
      4·
      2 days ago

      also if someone refuses help, dont take it personally. and just listen. or move on.

      Like there are rescuers out there with no boundaries that do not hesitate make it all a mission about them being a nice person and their intentions. This is not empowering for the boundaries of the people they are attempting to ‘help’.

      listening can be love too.

      • theneverfox@pawb.socialEnglish
        2·
        2 days ago

        This is true. It’s not really helping someone else if you don’t respect their boundaries

        And some people will be super rude about it, and you just have to move on and put yourself out there again with the next person anyways

        • Smoogs@lemmy.worldEnglish
          3·
          2 days ago

          yeah i just remind myself maybe the rudeness is a defence mechanism. Not meant for specifically me. Possibly the only way they can feel they will be listened to or defended. There are people out there who just will not respect that ‘no’ that very much have a hand in manufacturing this as a normalized response.

  • RBWells@lemmy.world
    2·
    2 days ago

    Loved is an external condition. You can still love even if you think you aren’t loved. Can still do pretty much anything.

    There’s sort of no point to anything anyway, why not just have a good time and be nice to people?