- cross-posted to:
- selfawarewolves@lemmy.world
- cross-posted to:
- selfawarewolves@lemmy.world
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Not agreeing with the guy, but we are all aware that his last post is sarcasm right
She should’ve ended it with “No. I’m going to send you some flowers.”
It reads like “cans of soup… for my family”
got a ban on reddit for this. Dude was saying Ukraine should give up the stolen land for peace. So i asked him for his address so i could occupy one of his rooms.
he did not like that
I chuckled at this. Surely a single room is not enough?
Lebansraum!
The original Bri Larson tweet makes me think of a recent post on lemmy that showed younger men are less and less likely to ask women out in person. Some people in the comments said “hey it’s ok to approach women in public just be ok with them saying no” but when I read what women say about being approached in public (like bri larsons tweet here) I get the feeling that I should never approach women in public because I’ll make them feel scared.
I’m not talking about the top tweet where a guy is memorizing your address, that is creepy, I understand that, but the guy in the bri Larson tweet wasn’t being creepy, just shooting his shot right? Or am I way off here?
“Approaching in public” can mean so many different things. What most women have a problem with is being approached in a situation where the man has some form of power over her. For example a cashier or server has to be friendly and smile or she will risk her job. Being approached is uncomfortable, because too many men don’t understand it when the no comes with a smile. They are also in a position of power, because they can complain about her or make a scene and get her in trouble.
In this case the TSA agent has some form of power over her and could give her trouble if she refuses. She has no way of knowing if a “no” will be met with understanding or with him holding her up, being insistent, keeping her from passing. That’s what makes it especially uncomfortable.
I think even if it’s not one of these situations, being approached is uncomfortable unless you are interested in the person. People are way more isolated now and less socially aware, which means half the people who do approach will not understand when the other person isn’t interested, and end up making it a bad interaction for both people rather than just a short uncomfortable one.
Being isolated also makes people act stupid, which makes them ask out their server cashier etc even if they know they shouldn’t. They just need someone to be with, and they see a positive interaction and go for it. It’s like someone who’s starving stealing a lot of your food, it’s still their “fault” but it’s not really surprising they would do that.
Sounds easier to just stay introverted. Sorry. Forever alone lol
It’s pretty simple. If they can’t just walk away and choose not to talk to you, don’t shoot your shot.
If they are going through security to get on a scheduled flight, and you are security, do not shoot your shot.
If you are their boss, in your office, do not shoot your shot.
If you are purchasing something from them, do not shoot your shot.
If you are at a bar, and you are polite, shoot your shot. And accept a no graciously.
If you are at a park, and you are both walking your dogs, try to start up a conversation (not shoot your shot). And accept a no graciously.
If you are the President of the United States, and you have a 19-year-old intern in your office, DO NOT shoot your shot.
Seems pretty simple to me. I’m a man in my 40s, have started plenty of conversations with women (and men) in public, and have never had any negative experiences from it (other than coming across some VERY strange people). Weird.
What happened to just having hobbies and social groups and then developing genuine relationships there, too? Why are the “male loneliness” advocates acting like picking up girls has ever been the standard for developing a relationship? Just seems like brainrot from watching too many “ripped guy in the beach picking up girls” videos at a young age…
I have had a bunch of relationships and flings in my life and only like one or two happened through “shooting my shot”, most were friends of friends, school colleagues, large Whatsapp group chats (were a big thing in Brazil for a while), etc.Let me know when you’re 20 years old and growing up with social media and society the way it is, we’ll see if your logic still applies.
That’s a lot to take in. I will just not shoot my shot.
A large part of it is setting. If you’re at a place people gather to be social, like a party or a bar or other social event, people are more open to talking or getting to know each other. If you’re just trying to move through your day in public and are probably thinking about all the bullshit you need to deal withnin our daily hellscape of lives, and some random person interupts to interject and make you deal with even more bullshit, that fuckin sucks. Location, location, location.
if youre approached by a tsa agent at their work its harder to say no. its fine to shoot your shot but be aware of the time, place, social dynamic, etc.
“Cold-calling” women for dates in public is kinda sketchy in general.
Put the effort in to getting to know them first. If you are at a point in your life where asking random strangers for a date is your best game, you need to work on yourself.
This isn’t bashing you for not being handsome/pretty, or fit, or rich. You need to go out and do things that you enjoy, try new things, and find partners who enjoy the same things, then see if they are open to dating.
Also, mutual friends are the best for getting you a date with someone. It worked for me, and it can work for you!
I mean, a date can be a pretty safe and tame event. It’s how you might get to know someone.
You shouldn’t expect anything romantic out of such a date, and certainly makes sense to meet at the venue and the venue be very open and visible. But to say you can’t even offer a chance to get to know each other without getting to know each other is a bit over the top.
Better chances in interest themed events and activities to have a promising match of course, but there has to be some opportunity to get acquainted.
There is a huge difference between “you’re pretty and that’s the only thing I know about you, want to go on a date?” And “Hey, we share a few similar interests and you are pleasant to talk to, and attractive, would you like to go on a date?”
You should have a baseline beyond simply looking at them. A date is where you get to know them beyond that baseline. If it’s a stranger, it isn’t unreasonable to say you should have at least a few minutes of conversation before asking them out.
If you are at a point in your life where asking random strangers for a date is your best game, you need to work on yourself.
Fuck me. This is the best piece of advice I ever heard that every single person needs to get in their heads.
Read this whole thing and tries to shift the focus to himself and how it makes him feel. Amazing. Bear please.
Imagine if a stranger the size of Shaq asked you to use your cell phone. He could just be a person needing to call someone, or he could be an asshole trying to steal your phone. Whatever the case saying no could potentially put you in a bad situation if they decide to get upset, and saying yes could also potentially put you in a vulnerable situation where you have no power.
I think most guys forget the power imbalance that just being physically larger creates between the sexes. Im not the size of Shaq, but i am a big dude who is larger than most dudes on a similar scale compared to how most men are bigger than most women. I have to be mindful to be as non threatening and gregarious as possible to not be intimidating, because men are just as easily unsettled by size, it’s just the scaling that is different.
Plus, no one owes you the time in their day. Approaching a complete stranger to propose some sort of relationship only tells a person that you only value them for their physical appearance, or you are the type of person who approaches anyone who they think they have a chance with.
I think you should try talking a bit before asking for someone’s number, at least.
Don’t actually be creepy, but you can never control how people feel about something. Something that’s completely fine to someone one day might be the tipping point on some other day.
If you hit on someone just based on looks they might not take it nicely because they might be getting a lot of that!
He’s at work, be professional at least. He also doesn’t know the person, but if he was just some random dude you are still inconveniencing a person slightly. They say no, you are inconvenienced back.
Your workplace is for work, not for interfering with people trying to use your service. You can become friends with regulars and then ask them out if you desire, but you also involve more of yourself at risk in the question.
So just don’t. Go to public gatherings or places of interest, where people have a common understanding of at least socializing. Having a friend already diffuses the situation or possible tension that an engagement can form.
Here’s the thing, work takes up like half your day. If you aren’t allowed to be a normal human at work, you’re going to be a miserable person. That being said, a normal person doesn’t ask for a phone number after a few sentences. They at a minimum have a conversation long enough to establish that having a second conversation would actually be an enjoyable experience. That’s probably not gonna happen at a TSA checkpoint and that’s fine.
You can become friends with regulars and then ask them out if you desire, but you also involve more of yourself at risk in the question.
Compliment people, be normal, do it without further engagement. That is the issue, men tend not to speak up unless interested so you are easy to read. Women like surprises, it’s not shooting your shot if they already saw your gun.
Learn to appreciate the beauty of all before thinking of capturing one. You will have to communicate with them. Compliment something unique, something deliberately done, and something genuinely appreciated. By them or by you.
Just speak up truely.
“Capturing one” scares the shit out of me.
I am being heavy handed with my wording for the sake of metaphor.
You as a person need to tame another in order to cohabit the same space, while at the same time taming yourself. You will sacrifice for them and they you. You hope to give them tenfold what they have you, in hopes they know how loved and cherished they are. You must communicate, lose, and evolve in order to win a together that is more fruitful.
It is the same as loving your mother, if not - I am sorry she did not capture your heart. That is not a slight on you, just a sad reality that can exist and I am fortunate in this regard. My siblings were not.
I speak of love, not men or women. It is a concept beyond gender and most humans.
I thought they were threatening him with flowers? He must be reading too much into it.
Men (especially young boys) are more likely to be victims of random violence.
Women tend to receive violence from friends and family in the home.
For whatever that’s worth
You’re missing the context of WHEN THEY ARE the targets. Women are more often on the receiving end for both. Just because one gender gets one type of violence more often, still doesn’t mean they receive more instances of it over the other.
Oh no. Not violence. How awful.
… master Jedi?
How was it called? When people are so close to getting the point it hurts, yet still don’t get it? I remember there being a subreddit about it.
Selfawarewolves
I miss that subreddit
Yep, that’s it. Thank You.
He would feel threatened if a creepy woman TSA agent did this to him too. It’s much more rare, but it’s a better argument for these kinds of people. I’ve seen this response countless times. Banned from r/conservative for “threatening” users lol.
Think of them like children (his debate skills are <6th grader, so he literally is). You have to be gentle.
creepy woman TSA agent
No need to even be creepy. If this is a white dude, just have a black agent do the same. I bet he’ll be so fucking freaked out that he’ll call the cops right then.
Not everything is a debate. The dude is just an asshole.
Actually if you’re a Democrat you have to act perfectly all the time. This guy’s a Republican so it’s totally fine to be a child.
his debate skills are <6th grader, so he literally is
Now that’s a logical fallacy.
He literally might as well be in his capacity to debate and process emotions, which is his only relevant skills here. But the other way was shorter to write.
Literally is now just an intensifier in most contexts. We’ve lost the war
Think of them like children (his debate skills are <6th grader, so he literally is). You have to be gentle.
They’re not like children, they’re just narcissists.
It’s the attitude of: “If I do something bad to you, you should be flattered. But don’t you dare do that to me!”
It could be, or it could be 6th grade debate and communication skills. But we’re allowed to be angry and not act perfectly.
Nah, hit his homophobic ass with the theoretical hyper-masculine leather daddy hitting on him
Satisfying to argue but doesn’t work either on these 6th grade debate ability folks. You make a 7th grade argument, not an adult one if you want to help him.
Well, you see. The man has a penis, therefore he is at higher risk of violence than women.
Wait, no. It’s the opposite.
Cis men experience more of every non-sexual form of violence than cis women on average, to the point where they experience more incidents of overall violence.
The fun part is when you start digging into where that violence is coming from…
For amybody experiencing violence, how is that important?
To identify the source of the problem? Address it?
Sure, but that’s not the perspective of someone who is experiencing violence.
Someone said “men are more likely to experience violence” and the fact that this violence is also coming from men doesn’t change much. There is no ‘men convention’ where it’s put up to votes the way men collectively will act - unfortunately.
So, did you bring this up as a problem where a solution should occur, or just asking to feel sorry for them? To the person experiencing violence, sure, we could recommend therapy, or be empathetic, but if we do nothing to address the root cause it won’t stop it at best,and at worst we start victim blaming.
This post is more about the cause not wanting to understand they’re the issue, and you brought in another issue caused by the same toxic masculinity, then got defensive when that was pointed out.
To want empathy for your problems is natural. If you just want empathy and not a solution, there is a time and place for that too. However what you are doing here is either trying to derail the conversation, or making it about something that wasn’t the original convo(usually done by someone making it about themselves, but I don’t know you enough to make that specific of an accusation).
If you want to fight for mens rights and proper treatment, that’s wonderful. However doing it by attacking/derailing women complaining about the same issues is not. It’s closer to when women’s suffrage movement wanted only freedom for white women.
and you brought in another issue caused by the same toxic masculinity
To be clear, someone else did.
The fact that someone answered to “actually males are more likely to experience violence” with “eh, but go look who does that violence” prompted my comment.
And it almost sounds like somehow the focus switched from the victim to the cause, when the victims are men. This is the cause why I decided to comment. Almost like violence and protection of who experiences matters depending on who is experiencing it, as if there would be any difference from a woman or a man experiencing violence, whether it is from a man or a woman.
However what you are doing here is either trying to derail the conversation, or making it about something that wasn’t the original convo
If this is your argument, it is a weak one, because I specifically commented in a child thread about this very topic, in response to a very dismissive comment (from my POV). There is no conversation that I am hijacking nor it was me who brought up violence on men on the first place.
However doing it by attacking/derailing women complaining about the same issues is not
Thankfully neither happened.
A lot of trans women who possess penises are at extreme risk of violence from men.
And trans men experience struggles with an epidemic of both sexual abuse and domestic violence, which is basically not studied at all.
Yes, but they are still women, and I specifically was referring to men with penises.
Checkmate, atheists.
I know, I was just being the required-by-law annoying leftist.
He must be baiting
It’s the implication!..
I AM CORNHOLIO
DO YOU HAVE TP?! Rrrrolios
Exactly what I was thinking from just the title, heh.
Good to know there are so many other degenerates here.
