If you’re not middle aged, pick a younger age, IDK
Wait so I still get to do this as a career? And I’m considered an expert in the field?!?
Yea that makes sense about my knees and back hurting.
“What kind of career strategy was ‘go with the flow’, old man? Oh, but it worked out ok? Good to know.”
Bahaha, this for me too, so much.
Probably a fair bit of middle class white male privilege in action for me - I’ve got a lot of community and family to be greatful for.
“Stable life despite most dreams being crushed? Ok, that doesn’t sound bad… Shouldn’t have stopped drawing? Wait, you’re teaching kids how to draw as a volunteer and liking it?? That was unexpected.”
I can’t believe we pulled it off holy shit we are good.
She would be absolutely stunned. Probably wouldn’t believe me. At 43 I’m married to the guy I was dating at 19. At 19 I had dropped out of college and thought I wanted to be an artist; at 43 I’m already retired from a successful career in academic research. At 19 I had no thoughts about politics or the world as a whole (9/11 hadn’t happened yet); at 43 I’m pretty informed and opinionated. And she’d probably be surprised how much I’m into the outdoors, healthy living, and weightlifting, given that she had negative interest in those things. The rest is pretty consistent - e.g., I’ve always loved music from the '60s, fun nail polish, scifi, swimming, and handmade art (drawing, beading, etc).
I mean the math checks out, but holy crap, you’re 43, but at 19 ‘9/11 hadn’t happened yet…’
Fuck yeah. Sounds like a great trajectory!
19 year old me would say “lmfao, how are you still alive?”
Probably;
- I’m proud. You proved everyone that you were able to do everything, they said you could not (education-wise).
- Don’t be afraid to change jobs, get the one that’s better for your future.
My 19 year old self would be sad and hopefully take a different path.
No video games? You used too be a real nerd, man, now you’re just another normie!
They’d probably be worried that I had gotten sucked into the interminable rat race, and wouldn’t believe me when I said I had found a way to be comfortable with it. I used to have panic attacks about the idea of entering the normal workforce and ending up in a job situation like my father did. Love the man, but he prioritized “providing” for the family over being present, and burned himself out doing it. I can see the nuanced differences between that and my situation now, but I never would have back then.
They wouldn’t believe that a relatively modest life could cost so damn much of what I take home. I make money that would make my 19yo head spin, and it’s still not enough to be as comfortable as I would like.
They’d be furious that I let my strong friendships of the time slip for over a decade.
They’d be worried about my weight and how far my general health has tanked. Walking everywhere and doing manual labor jobs had made it easier than I realized to stay healthy back then.
They’d be confused that I’m a decade into a different romantic relationship. That might cause them to more carefully examine the one they were in at the time. I’m not sure if cutting it early would have been better for me though. I learned and grew by years in the span of a few months when that relationship was dying.
Oooh yeah. Break-ups can turn out to be wild growth phases sometimes, if you’re paying attention and approaching it in a useful way.
Mine would say: What? You’re working with finance people? WTF? Traitor!
But if I explained it a bit more, I reckon they’d be pretty into it, and kind of impressed.
Her??
“Yeah you probably should have jumped off that bridge”.
:(
Are you OK? Have you got access to some kind of therapy?
I’m fine.
I’ve been in and out of therapy most of my life. Therapists are useless (for me). Not once have they told me something I didn’t already know. I know why I respond to things the way I do. I know where the trauma started. I know what copeing mechanism I’ve developed and how they can effect relationships.
Keeping a journal doesn’t help. Meditation doesn’t help. All the various other bullshit they have tried since I was a kid have been terrible.
Medication makes my brain feel like molasses which makes me wanna step into oncoming traffic even more so than normal.
It is what it is.
That sucks dude. I hope some change shows up for you at some point.
We’d probably not get along very well. 19 y/o me though he saw the world “logically” and that everyone else was wrong. He saw emotions as a weakness, and interpreted the world as black and white. To him everything seemed clear cut and simple, and everyone who didn’t agree was an idiot.
Seeing nuance and accepting emotions as a valid argument to anything are not things he’d accept. Accepting that people who think differently are not completely stupid might not go well with him. And, without getting into details, I don’t think he’d agree with the current situation. He wouldn’t be surprised to see me work as a programmer, but his black and white thinking wouldn’t gel very well with the reality that most companies aren’t exactly “good” causes.
I can make it on my own?? I can’t believe you have your life so well put together. I like cats better than dogs now?
