Credit: u/manchesterMan0098
Heh, how bout those alphas, amirite?
Everyone can benefit from a therapist and everyone can benefit from a loving, caring partner.
Who knew?
I don’t think the OP in the screenshot is describing a loving partnership though - the emotional support described is very much one sided.
There is no reason to assume that
It definitely does not need to be one or the other. Oftentimes therapy could help in the relationship department considerably. Deep hurt is hard to get through alone, yet I hope more and more people understand there is help out there.
If relationships are a two way street, and one person is hurting enough to affect their role within it all there should be no shame in reaching out in that way. It could help a lot. It’s a shame there’s still so much stigma around therapy.I dont think that stigma is going to get any better any time soon (at least in the US). The past year has given me significantly less trust that anything medical remains private; i have no trust that things said in confidence will not be weaponized against me by the current government. There have already been cases of states demanding medical records for pregnancy, abortion, and transgender records, and texas actually got their hands on some records IIRC.
My therapist says she takes a bare minimum of notes because she understands the fear people have of private info getting leaked. Maybe someone worried about that could ask about their notes process during the therapist-finding stage.
I was implying that both are beneficials.
Oh yeah me too. I agree with everything you said, was just adding on my bit :)
I can’t comprehend what I read today. Sorry
No no, could’ve been how I worded it haha. It’s all gravy.
Wait wait wait… You’re telling me people need love? Pfft I don’t believe it.
There is a well-known study about this: All You Need Is Love (Martin et al., 1967)
I can guarantee there are at least a few people out there who don’t actually need love in adulthood to live happy and fulfilling lives.
How do you figure that?
Because there are always exceptions.
Always.
I choose a loving, varying therapist.
I mean he described therapy
I think a modern dysfunction of intergender relationship is an increase in transactional intimacy. Whether it’s dating, sex, or emotional, I think a lot of men are paying for their intimacy.
I’m not positive you mean this, but you’re implying men shouldn’t pay for their intimacy? You think it should be free? Everyone pays, but in healthy relationship the “payment” is emotional intimacy, acts of service, words of affection etc. No one is walking up to a stranger and banging them without giving anything. Heck even in sex alone there’s “transactions.” During foreplay, I get you a little turned on, you get me a little turned on, I escalate, you escalate.
I mean literal payment, with money.
It can easily be a case of personal perception of a relationship, at least my generation was constantly told their only value in life is utilitarian, when that’s your mind set you’re going to assume that’s the only value you have in relationships as well. Again, therapy would help a lot so men can see that their partners do value them outside of their assigned value culture.
I agree with what you and @Azzu @Azzu@lemm.ee are saying, in the vein that traditional gender roles have done more harm than good.
I think the culture is shifting but there’s also a weird backlash to the change, like the toxic Masculinity of Andrew Tate or Jordan Peterson, or the Trad Wife movement, or the rise of Only Fans and other pay-to-play parasitic economies.
I think a certain subgroup of men are willing to give money in exchange for intimacy as a way to exercise power in that dynamic, as if it lessens their vulnerability.
Relationships should of course be mutually beneficial, and therefore are inherently transactional. But I also find it ironic that whether men paying for online dating apps to meet women, paying for drinks, paying for sex, or paying for therapy, it’s all hitting their wallets.
You gotta remember that the traditional gender roles come from somewhere. There are many that detest them so much that they can’t even imagine that there must be something in the human psyche that came up with them.
There are plenty of people that know about the traditional gender roles doing more harm than good, yet still choosing to mostly follow them, in a non-toxic way, because they are what actually feels best for them.
I think the radical feminist push of trying to achieve perfect outcome equality in all areas is as misguided as the rigid, inflexible attempt to keep traditional gender roles completely intact.
Naturally, if people notice a shift too far in a certain direction, they try to work against it, and most of the time this working against it is too far in the wrong direction as well.
There is a disconnect between people noticing that love is not unconditional, and thinking love is completely transactional.
Of course if love is never useful for one of the participating parties involved, then this/their love will fade. But people interpret this fact in the way that love should always be exactly as useful for all parties involved all the time.
But in reality, it should be fine if sometimes maybe one side is more selfish, less giving, sometimes the other side. Sometimes one side gives more emotional support, but the other side is more physically caring. And so on. Love doesn’t need to be perfectly equal, it just needs to make all parties involved better than if they were without the love.
But when you’re very competitive and selfish, and it’s hard to quantify each person’s usefulness to each other, it’s easy to always think that what you give is more than what someone else gives. Constantly having arguments about how you think things should be.
🥺
Ok let me go, men, stop fighting battles no one asked you to, your lame ass warrior complex undermines your potential for kindness.
but i’m fighting in the name of kindness, i’m so confused right now
you gotta do loving in the name of fightness…? I think
wait
i got it, and i honestly think it works!
kind naming in the fight for love
naming in the love of fights?
War Love, Not Fight!
Now go fight in awar or go to prison while your sister gets to choose to stay home.
i truly hope you and i are gonna confuse the fuck out of some AI bot scraping this conversation.
The goal is ~75% of the time give helpful advice, and the other ~25% of the time be a weirdo just to throw em off.
At least that is how I justify my behavior anyways.
we are digital warriors, my dear internet friend
I hearby ask you to fight whatever battles you want, as long as you’re not a dick to anyone about it. Hopefully this frees up any confusion.
i shall carry the fight in your name
I don’t like legitimizing Freud cause like all his ideas that permeated popular culture are total bull but holy shit, paging Dr Freud.
He’s next tweet… “Use my promo code to join Andrew Tates Hustlers Academy.”
Mother figure? So partners aren’t supposed to be caring?
I think both parties are wrong here. Mothers do not need to be feminine or soft either. What the fuck does that even mean. FeMiNiNe sOFt women!!! It’s just coded language for submissive, self-sacrificing domestic slave.
Soft
Feels good to cuddle? Idk I’m a wizard.
Ya missing the point. The dude said “men need”. I do not give a flying fuck what men like this think they “need” from women.
I do not give a flying fuck what men like this think they “need” from women.
Obviously you do though.
I should be more precise for you “gotcha!” pedants: I will not change a single thing about myself or feel a single ounce of shame or influence based on the above statement. I only care in that I vociferously oppose its misogynistic premise and believe it is worth it to call out when I see it. Happy? God I hate people like you.
God I hate people like you.
That’s nice, I actually “don’t give a flying fuck” though, I’ve been hated by better I promise.
edit: language
I’m a man and I just need a big hairy and muscular chest to lay my head on the end of a very tough day.
I have no idea what this guy Alex is on about.
He said a hairy and muscular chest! That chest is smooth!
Life’s hard when your husband has a smooth chest 😔
So a pitbull?
He wants to wake up with his face still on
Also I guess gay men don’t exist. But would not be surprised someone with such a bad take also has bad ideas about queerness
You are correct. People with these attitudes would prefer gay men to not exist.
Especially when your partner is a vengeful mother figure that physically, emotionally, and spiritually destroys you over several years until you finally leave it all behind and recognize how empty your life has been and how much self blame was gaslit and manipulated out of you.
Because the use of one takes away an unhealthy need for the other.
Honestly therapy isn’t for everyone. There’s lots of shitty therapists out there that do more damage than good, and far more often than not it’s expensive. I agree with the sentiment here but people on the internet really need to stop suggesting it to everyone all the time.
You’re correct. Therapy isn’t for everyone. It’s for people with mental health problems.
Therapists are just like any other professional. There are good ones and bad ones. If you’re seeing a bad one, keep looking until you find a good one.
Circumstances being less than ideal doesn’t mean that “therapy isn’t for everyone”. Therapy is therapy.
Therapy is based entirely on therapists, which are also human, and is just a job. And lots of people suck at their jobs.
The first therapist I saw told me “Some people just don’t enjoy life, maybe you’re one of those people” which was a strange thing to hear from a “mental health professional” and set off alarm bells.
The ironic thing is a lot of the “everybody needs therapy” crowd have never been to therapy. One therapist told my friend his addiction to prescribed drugs was a moral failing on his part. This lead him to attempt suicide by cop. This would not have happened if he had not gone to a therapist.
You’re probably just supposed to feel shitty all the time. That will be $500 please.
Okay but those therapists aren’t doing their job. They’re not giving therapy. That doesn’t mean not everyone can benefit from therapy.
Now you’re creating a logical fallacy. I’m not interested in engaging with that.
Everyone should see a therapist. Not every day or even every year but it’s one of the best preventative measures you can have. People bring it up because a lot of folks who struggle with basic emotional health problems don’t see one or feel a stigma around it.
If your therapist sucks or just isnt a good fit for you, you find a new one. Like you would a mechanic, or doctor, or barista.
Do you tell kids who scraped their knee to go see a doctor?
Who needs therapy when you can foist off all of your emotional needs on one person?
So, uh, if this is what men need at the end of the day, what does this guy think women need at the end of their day? Or is it only men “fighting battles” in their day-to-day lives? Because this surely implies that either men are needlessly making things harder for themselves if women somehow manage to avoid daily battles, or that women don’t need comfort after their daily battles… and wouldn’t that make men, who do need that help, the weaker sex?
Every woman I’ve ever dated has expected me to do what they call “being there for them” in what I can only assume to be situations similar to whatever he’s hyperbolically referring to as “battles,” and I was happy to, and they did the same for me which I appreciated. But maybe since it’s just taken for granted that men do that for women (people itt seem not to realize being supportive is a bare minimum expectation for any partner), and according to the post it is mommy issues when a man wants it in return, it sounds to me like women are the weaker one.
Did I do the gender war right? Do we really have to “men bad women bad” wanting supportive partners ffs? This is why I don’t talk to people anymore, cats are better.
A whole lot of people in this thread don’t understand that a therapist does.
I know right! It’s all “but men bruh” but who takes care of women?
I know themselves do, because no one will. But somehow that’s accepted, and men taking care of themselves and stop exploiting women isn’t?
All women have to do is iron his shirt and make sure there’s food on the table when he gets in. He’s out in the real world doing manly things to bring home the bacon.
See, youre actually missing one key component here. They dont think of women as people. Just baby machines made to please men.
It’s true. As soon as I’m out of sight of my husband I dock like a Roomba and wait until he returns so I can wipe away his tears and give him a foot rub.
/s
